New Plan for Iraq

Distractions...

Question for the Readers

If you were a stripper, what would your name and "theme" song be?

Alexandra's: White Sugar
Song: A tie between Cold Hard Bitch by Jett and Kiss Me Deadly by Lita Ford

I guess it would depend on White Sugar's mood at the time.

A Five-Year Old's Party

I recently attended a birthday party for a five-year old. It was for a friend of mine's kid. There were adult beverages, along with juice boxes. I took some photos to document the event.

This is what happens when drunken adults and five-year olds are together. Juice boxes and alcohol!

Should this much beer be consumed at the child's party?

And finally, this is what happens to the Sponge Bob Lego man when all the adults have gotten drunk.
Good times, good times!

Vinyl is not a Fashion Statement

I was cruising around sites today and looking for some new shoes for spring. Every search kept providing me with a wide array of clear plastic choices. First of all, I thought vinyl shoes were for strippers. Did I miss something? Also, wouldn't vinyl make your feet sweat? The next thing I found was truly startling.

These are Stuart Weitzman shoes! For those of you who may not know, he is a big designer in the shoe world. Anyway, I know these aren't those giant platform shoes, but they are clear heels. I can't imagine any Eastwickean country club ladies wearing these to afternoon tea. If someone else has witnessed the plastic shoe phenomenon (and understands it), then please explain.

Mr. Poopers Needs Your Help

Someone has abandon a rabbit in our neighborhood. He is similar to the one in this photo minus the large dog.

He's been hanging around under our magnolia tree for over a week now. I've named him Mr. Poopers because that's all he does. He hops and poops. A friend of mind found a rescue organization and gave me the number. I was skeptical because they are a good ways away from me. I contacted them, and the woman was distraught because they have no room. She sighed and said she would come out and catch him this evening. She's still unsure of where they will place him. I thought I would post the sanctuary's website for donations. It's the Adopt-A-Rabbit Program. If you are able, please consider donating a few bucks to this organization. They have been so nice to me and to Mr. Poopers.

UPDATE: Mr. Poopers is safe! Mr. Bitchford caught him, and he has gone to live at the rabbit sanctuary. Yea for Mr. Poopers!

Big New Church Easter Service

I came home from a long day at work and found this in my mailbox.This is the Easter invite from Big New Church. On top of that, a former work acquaintance had sent me an e-vite to the "event." It sounded very scripted. I have told this woman that I do NOT want to attend this church. I have been that blunt about it. What is she not getting? What the fuck is wrong with these people?

hmm...

And they wonder why education in the South trails behind the rest of the nation...
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,339732,00.html

Best Political Button Ever

I've been trying to find this political button for a long time now. My dad desperately wants this for his birthday. Isn't that funny? For those of you who don't remember, Ronald Reagan was married to Jane Wyman when he was an actor. They divorced, hence the "Jane Wyman was RIGHT." Anyway, I did find it, but it is $20 plus shipping! I guess since that is what he truly wants that I shouldn't worry about how much it is. That just seems like a lot for an old button from the 80's.

BTW, here is a pic of Jane. How the hell did Reagan land this chick anyway?

I Shit You Not...

This has to be one of the funniest t-shirts I have ever seen. I just had to share.

Big New Church "Unleashed"

Well, they are at it again. The BNC has started a new program to "train" other people to spread the word. For a fee, chosen people could sign up to attend the Unleash conference. This was the intro to the article in today's paper, "... that included light shows, elaborate staging, multiple flat-screen TVs and screaming guitars, pastor Jim Jones brought the Unleash conference to full throttle at Big New Church." Apparently there were people from as far away as England. Now, I really thought those Brits knew better than to buy into this shit. The article made the event sound like it was open to the public, but a few spies of mine say this isn't true. According to said spies, a "conference info" form had to be filled out and a large donation was required. Basically, it sounds like another money making scheme. I don't really think these people fear hell because I watch them be shitty to each other most days of the week. Sometimes I wonder if all of the fucktards were gathered up and dropped here. I'm rejected by the fucktards, so that is why I don't include myself. I've actually had them ask me if I was southern because I sho' didn' tawlk like them. Ugh! This just gets on my nerves. What's scary about Big New Church is that someone smart with money is running the show. It ain't the pastor because he is just a small town pawn. 2,000 people attended this event and that, my friends, is just fucking scary!

Eastwickeans Gone Wild

In a small town similar to Eastwick, there was a full on brawl today. An elderly man had been killed by his grandson, and the news crews were covering the story. Some of the family were still at the scene. There were other news crews there, but apparently the two black news crew members were targeted. As you can see, the Eastwickeans surrounded these poor people trying to do their jobs and beat the shit out of them. You know what else? I bet this family will tell you that the grandson wasn't violent, and they have no idea why he did this. Gee. Could it be that your entire family goes around beating the shit out of people? This just pissed me the fuck off today.

Brandy, you are NOT fine, girl

I'm having to work on a group project for my class I'm taking. It's fucking killing me! I don't particularly like to work in groups, but it is what I have to do. I've been emailing my partner, Brandy, for over a month now. I can't get her to communicate. WTF? I don't get it. Isn't this chick concerned about her grade? Isn't she concerned about looking like a total fuck-up when we have to give our presentation? I'm at a loss as to what to do next. Maybe I should send her some Internet porn in my next email. Would that get her attention? Nope. It would probably get me fired. I think she has responded twice now to my emails. One said, "Hi! My name is Brandy. We'll be working together." No shit! I sent you an email first you stupid bitch! The second response was, "Wow! You're so motivated." I'm not motivated. I'm just not a slack ass. Ugh!

Server Error

Is anyone else getting a server error when he/she tries to upload pics? I'm really starting to fucking hate technology! :(

The Neti Pot

I've been having trouble with allergies for awhile now. I would take some meds for it, and it was ok. I would get a little dried out and stop taking them. A friend told me about the neti pot. It's this little teapot that cleanses your nasal cavities. If my research is correct, this is a yoga practice that is supposed to increase your breathing techniques. It's not an easy process, so don't let this woman in the photo fool you. The water does NOT flow freely. It takes awhile to get the hang of it. In fact, don't be surprised if you choke the first week you try this. So far, I think it is helpful. My eyes aren't as puffy in the morning, and my head isn't as stopped up. I guess time will tell. Has anyone else ever used one?

Sweet Vindication

I know you guys probably remember my sexual harasser from work. Well, I have finally been vindicated. Guess who was arrested last night for a variety of reasons? Guess who had his name printed all over the Eastwick paper today? Guess who is laughing her ass off right this very second? Ha! The asshole was drinking it up at a local gentleman's club with a local attorney. Apparently the two geniuses started a fight with another man. They were booted from the club, and the police were called. While the asshole was standing outside, he started to scream at a woman on the courthouse steps. It gets better. The police show up, and he refuses to cooperate. The article said that he pleaded not guilty and is requesting a jury trial. This doesn't surprise me. He still thinks he is above the law. I do still see him around, and he does still occasionally try to say hello. You know I can't wait until this encounter happens again. It could go a little something like this..."So, you sorry sack of steaming shit, I heard you got your dumb ass arrested." Or maybe something like this..."So, did you have to be somebody's bitch in jail and take it up the ass?" Or maybe I'll just have an eat shit grin on my face and say nothing at all. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

A Beautiful Day in Eastwick

It is absolutely one of the most beautiful days in Eastwick today. I can't think of one thing to bitch about. I woke up early and picked some flowers for the mantle.

Then, Mr. Bitchford decided we needed a picnic table for the yard. He's still putting it together, but you get the idea.

We can now have our morning coffee outside and take the dogs with us. I know it seems simple, but it makes me happy. I hope everyone else is having a great day too. I'm sure I'll turn back into a pumpkin at 8:00 tomorrow morning. Until then, enjoy! ;)