Off the Market

A woman I work with, the Peroxide Queen, has recently taken to the Internet to find a man. I've had SO much fun with this! She's not off to a great start, so I thought I would look on Craigslist and see what people had to offer. Here is what I found in the men seeking women section.

Looking for gold in a field of boogers. - 37
Points for creativity? I don't know.

Looking For A Lady with a Love for Anal - 50
Who isn't about the anal love? ;)

Looking for lunch and a midday frolic - 42
If I were single, I would so call him.

44yr old Business Owner seeking 20-something woman - 44
Yeah. You and every other nasty fucker, buddy.

Dating or Cunilingus - 22
Not a good speller. At least he's a giver?

Free Male Masturbation Show for You or Your Friends! - 30
I would seriously like to call him. "Masturbation man? This is Alexandra. I would like to bring all of my girlfriends over and watch you whack off." Ugh!

Athletic & Successful Guy Looking for Sexy, Intelligent Female - 27
What do you want to bet he lives with his parents?

I'm glad I'm off the market. I do feel bad for Peroxide Queen. Who knows? Maybe her love is waiting to whack off for her as we speak.