I'm as Free as a Bird Now

My birthday is coming up next month, so Mr. Bitchford asked me to make a wish list. Here it is.

1. A tiara
2. A porch swing
3. A rocking chair
4. A pearl handle revolver that will fit in my favorite handbag

He looked at the list and said, "Wow. You really are southern." I don't really identify with being a southern woman because southern people are usually depicted as stupid. We don't all have a thick drawl, and we aren't all conservative Baptists. I'm a somewhat Buddhist following socialist stuck in Eastwick. Now you see why I need the pearl handled revolver. I feel very out of place because of the way I speak and because of my political and social views. On the flip side of this, I fit right in at a honkey tonk with a bottle of beer in my hand. There's nothing like spending the day out on the lake, and then spending your evening on the deck of your favorite watering hole. So, while I may call a vending machine a ge-dunk (because of the sound the food makes when it falls), and I might say ya'll, this doesn't mean that I fit all of the southern stereotypes. Just don't show anyone my birthday wish list, please. ;)