Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Paula Deen is a Bawdy Broad
Alas, my beloved's heart has been stolen. Well, at least a piece of it has. Mr. Bitchford has a crush on Paula Deen. At first, I thought it was innocent. I mean, who wouldn't want a squishy woman who smells of butter? I walked through the den the other night, and I heard strange noises coming from the couch. I stand and listen. It's the sound of Mr. Bitchford saying things like, "Mmmmm. Oh yes, Paula. Mmmhmmm. More, more, more butter!" I go in there, and I notice that he instantly blushes and turns his eyes to the floor. I asked, "What are you doing?" He responds, "Nothing." Hmph! I know he was thinking of burying his face in her ample bosom while sampling her buttery nutty bars or maybe her bannana cream pie! Bitch! I can't compete. I do NOT cook. I like to buy pretty aprons and vintage kitchen tchotkes, but that is where my love affair with the kitchen ends. I briefly thought of wedging my way in on Mr. Bitchford and Paula's love affair, but I changed my mind. At least he doesn't have the hots for a skank like Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. So, for now, the score stands with Paula 1 and Alexandra 0, but I'll come back. I always win, Paula!
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5 comments:
Jack likes Paula Deen, too, but he loves him some Racheal Ray
Just as long as there are no hots for the Barefoot Contessa, I think you're pretty safe. I have to run, it sounds like there is a badger in the bathtub with my child.
Paula and Alton are the only two food network people I like. The rest are fake, crappy, and they cook things that nobody would ever eat.
And Rachel Ray only cooks those meals so fast because she has stage people helping her. AND they clean up after her.
Wow. Paula Deen huh? That's funny. She's funny, for sure. The amount of butter she uses makes me want to vomit, though. Whew.
I wish Rachel Ray would stop that EVOO thing.
Food Network is about the only TV I will watch on occasion. I like getting ideas for recipes. But, they seriously need a new host/direction for the Iron Chef show. Karate chops? Really? haha!
When I grow up, I want to BE Paula Deen...or Oprah (just for the cash, mind you)...or maybe a cross between the two...Paula as a person with Oprah's cash. Yea, that's the ticket. LMAO
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