A Really Long Rant...

You know what? I'm just going to give it all up and start doing other people's jobs for them--from the beginning. That way, I won't have to waste so much time and effort cleaning up their messes when they fuck it all up.

So I'm on this team for this project at work. The so-called leader of this work group is the biggest freaking-A moron ever--let us call her Ms. Frizzy Head. Yes, that'll work.

Ms. Frizzy Head probably hasn't had a coherent thought since, oh, I don't know...sometime in the mid '70s, a time period during which I think the bitch tripped on acid a few too many times. This is also the last time she probably brushed that bird's nest hair. But alas, I digress...

For this project, like oh-so-many work-world projects, we need to print things. Well, we have photocopiers for that...but we have those photocopiers into which you must punch a code number before you can use it...you know so they can track who's doing how much of what for what projects--and make sure people aren't making superfluous copies of their asses for shits and giggles.

Well, within our division, we get a new copy code for each big new project. There's also a general copy code for the division--in case you need copies that aren't related to a big project.

So...we're working on Project X, which, for some inexplicable reason, has not yet received its copy code. So, when we had a meeting earlier this week, Ms. Frizzy Head comes with no copies of anything--for anyone. Why? Because she didn't have a copy code. So I ask her, "Did you call Stacy (the woman in charge of assigning copy codes)." No, of course she didn't call Stacy. So after the meeting, at my suggestion, our frazzled leader e-mails Stacy and attempts to explain to her, rather incoherently, that we need a copy code. She copies me on this e-mail, which makes no sense. It looks like this:

Stacy,
We need copies, what numbers for copies do
we need?
Frizzy

Naturally, Stacy, who handles about a dozen different divisions has no idea what she's talking about, so she basically e-mails her back that she doesn't understand, but that "you have a copy code you can use, and the number of copies possible on each account code varies based on the project."

Now Frizzy is all confused.

So, she e-mails me to tell me she's confused, forwarding with it Stacy's e-mail. Well, no wonder they're both confused, right? I ignore it because, quite frankly, I have more important things to do at that precise moment.

Next thing I know, Frizzy has e-mailed SIX other people about her copying dilemma, including people not even in our division and the head of the Accounting Division. She copies me on this, too. (Why? Apparently because I have a brain, and she wants me to interpret for her).

The Head of the Accounting Division then e-mails us all back, explaining that since the code has not been assigned to the project yet, Frizzy should use the general code for our division. Later, she explains, when the code has been assigned, we will transfer those copies to the correct code number. In the meantime, we need to keep track of how many copies we are using for our particular project, so we can assign those copies to the specific project account later.

Simple and clear, right?

Negative.

Frizzy e-mails me and just me and says, "I know you got this e-mail. I don't know what she's talking about. Can you figure this out?"

Yes, because I have a brain...and this means I know that Frizzy can't read, so I walk over to her fucking cubicle and explain it to her verbally. I make her repeat it back to me. Then, for back-up I type it out in 3 simple steps. And print it out. And tack it to her cubicle in front of her face.

Later, we have another meeting--with no copies. And I'm like, Frizzy! WTF?? We're trying to get some shit together for clients and we can't even print the shit out and copy it?? She explains that we still don't have a project copy account number. Oh, for the love, of FSM. I walk out, walk to her cubicle, pull down the directions, and hand them to her:

Step One: Use our division code for copies for now.

Step 2: Write down how many copies you make.

"Do you know our general account number?" I ask her.

"Yes," she says to me.

"Then, use it to make some copies!" I tell her.

Fast-forward.

I get an e-mail, copied to EVERYone and her grandma, from the Head of Accounting:

"I thought I had already explained to you all that you should use your division code until the project account is assigned. Please do this. Later, I will ask you for the number of copies for this project so far. You will give them to me. I will transfer that number into your project account."

WTF?

So, I walk back over to Frizzy's: "What is going on with the photocopying?"

She tells me she re-e-mailed the Head of Accounting and Stacy to ask them AGAIN for the procedure to make copies because "we can't make copies until we have a code!"

WTF?

FOUR DAYS HAVE PASSED.

I take some of the originals off Frizzy's desk and go to the photocopier. I put in the division code. I make the copies. I distribute the copies to the rest of our work group like the fucking photocopy fairy. I give copies to Frizzy.

Then, what does Frizzy do?

She looks at me in awe, hugs me (ew!), and says, "OMG! You are so incredible! How did you manage to get those copies for us???"

Are you serious?

I punched in the code and hit "Copy." Then, I wrote down the number of copies I made on a Post-it. Later, I will e-mail this number to Head of Accounting.

How hard is this??

But then it gets even better.

Frizzy apparently sits down at her desk and fires off this ridiculously rude e-mail to Head of Accounting. Are you serious?? This woman is in charge of all the money! Why, oh, why would you piss her off?? But in a miraculous moment of actual intelligence, Frizzy runs it by me before hitting send.

I tell her she cannot send that e-mail, explaining,

"If your purpose is to express to her that you are angry, this would work. However,if your purpose is merely to inform her of the source of your frustration/confusion, then I think this may be, as you called it, a little over the line. After all, what would it accomplish? It would probably just make her angry, too, which would likely just result in an angry e-mail back. I would go with something a little more diplomatic (you know what they say about burning bridges), like this..."

Then she e-mails me back:

Thank you so much. That is a much better tone. No need to burn bridges or go to Defcom-3. I will cut and paste your version, if that is OK with you.

Seriously?? Now, I have to write your e-mails for you? How in the hell did you get into a supervisory position?? How have you stayed with this company for so long?? How have you not managed to accidentally stop breathing?

Then she came over and hugged me two times for being "so brilliant."

And this is why I hate 98% of the people I work with. They are seriously as dumb as bricks.