Thursday, April 2, 2009

Vertical Ballet

Have you ever heard of this? I hadn't. The local Eastwick news station did a story tonight on vertical ballet. It's what the rest of us call spinning around on a stripper pole. There were these women with their legs wrapped around these big, shiny, phallic poles. I don't mind the whole stripper workout craze, but at least own up to it. My favorite interview of the night was with an older white woman, who began her interview by telling the reporter that she was a good Christian. She said that this is strictly for her health, and it has nothing to do with the sex industry. The camera pulled back from her, and she had on thigh high stockings. She ended the interview by telling the reporter that she had even had a vertical ballet pole installed in her home. Now, we all know that woman is spinning around on that pole for her husband or significant other. Again, that's fine, but don't act like you are not riding the giant, phallic stripper pole.

The reporter also interviewed the instructor, and she looked a lot like Apollonia. Remember her?


The instructor kept calling it vertical ballet too. Come on, lady! I just saw you take a flying leap at that pole. You continued by executing some fancy leg moves that can only be learned in a strip club. Just own it! All week I have been bombarded with shitty news about the local, state, and federal government. Finally, there was a fun story on, and everyone had to act like an uppity bitch. What the fuck? Why couldn't they just call it exotic dancing or something? I really do hate this place.

5 comments:

Liz said...

This might be what the stripping industry needs to keep thier clubs open. They're now dance venues that are helping to support the arts!

Maybe they'll start holding verticle ballet classes for little girls in tutus, and teach in in high-class private schools.

:-/

Liz in Seattle

T said...

Does that mean that the singles I gave can be written off my taxes as a donation to supporting her endowment in order to perform her art?

I like how you are thinking Liz...

Unknown said...

Vertical Ballet...

*jots down in notebook*

chocolat lover said...

Verical Ballet, now that is a new term for it...

I wonder when they will have Vertical Ballet recitals at the Royal Albert Hall, perhaps the Royal Ballet Company will get in on the act too (thus bringing ballet to the masses.

I love (or should I say hate) the fact that the media can make something seedy seem virtuos just because it is done by the middle classes, I bet had it been a young single mum who is learning a trade to make ends meet then it would have been an entirely different story!

just north of Eastwick said...

Dang--I missed that report! I would have been LMAO....man. People around here are insane.