The RoadSuck 300

My in-laws have this fancy camping van called a Roadtrek. Mr. Bitchford and I decided we would go see the leaves turn and hike around with the doggies. I'm not exactly a woodsy type of bitch, so I was hesitant. Then he told me about his parent's Roadtrek. I would be able to pee in a toilet, shower with warm water, dry my hair, and watch movies on a plasma screen all while in the woods! Shit. This sounded better than my house. We get there, and it is just a tad windy. The sun was out, so I'm thinking it can't get that cold. It's 3:00 a.m. The battery on the Roadtrek goes dead. This means no heat. It's freezing (literally). Even the dogs can't take it anymore. OMG! I got to take a warm shower, and I realize that it isn't exactly like home. You have to get wet, turn off the water, soap up, turn on the water, and rinse. This means that you are freezing and soapy. I go to dry my hair, and I manage to blow a fuse. Now, you are probably thinking that I'm expecting a bit much from the Roadtrek, but I'm not. It has outlets. It has a shower with a warm water option. It has a furnace. Wouldn't you think this meant you could actually use these features? Nope. Once the dogs started to whine, Mr. Bitchford decided to call it quits. We came home a day early. This is how the fancy, expensive Roadtrek 300 became known as the RoadSuck 300. The end.