Office Party

I had to attend one of my two office parties on Friday night. I work with two different divisions, so I get two invites. This is my "alcoholic" division, so I knew I was in for a wild time. Little did I know how wild it would get. The evening started out with everyone sitting on a couch and staring at each other. Then our host brought out some appetizers, so that got people up and moving. Next, the alcohol started flowing freely. There is this one guy I work with who is ALWAYS wanting to be the life of the party. I'll call him The Doctor. He applied to med school just like his daddy, but he couldn't get in. Soooo...now he works for my company. The Doctor arrives with his cooler on wheels. I'm dead serious. He has a party cooler on wheels. He is already pretty ripped, and he is bitching about not finding a woman to bring with him. Mr. Bitchford and I wander off to find some more food and see who else has arrived. After awhile, our host announces that we will begin our Chinese Christmas gift game. This is that silly game where each person brings a $10 gift, and everyone picks a number...blah, blah, blah. The game is incredibly long and boring, but The Doctor is not going to have this. He unwraps his gift, and it is a really nice gourmet cookie mix. He stands on his chair, waves around the cookie mix and yells, "Why would anyone spend $10 on god damn cookie mix?" The game continues, and it is starting to wear on my nerves because I can only take so much interaction with these people. The Doctor stands on his chair again and announces that he has a joke. "What kind of Kotex does a fat girl wear? A rope and some Bounty paper towels." What is he? 12? The game ends, and there are some people on the porch smoking cigars. Mr. Bitchford and I decide to hit the road, so we go out there to tell everyone goodbye. The Doctor is puffing on his cigar and sipping his screwdriver. He sees that we are leaving, and he seems to think that dry humping me goodbye is in order. I'm grateful that my fucking office parties are over! Bah Humbug!