Slow News Day in Eastwick

My morning ritual consists of a baked potato, a Diet Coke, and the Eastwick news. I know that is very weird, but it's my thing. Don't judge, please. There are usually a ton of articles about break-ins, copper thefts, drug deals, shootings, etc. There was one particular article that caught my eye, though. Apparently, two 80 year old friends had been giving each other perms. One octogenarian got pissed at the other one over her results. Maybe her curl was too tight? So, she decides to find the closest weapon. Are you ready for this? A can of snuff! She whops the other woman in the teeth with it. Moral of the story: Don't give your friend a jacked up perm.