Friday, August 8, 2008

99 Problems and a Bitch Ain't Gone Be One!

I have some major shit to get off of my chest, and it is threefold.

1. I fucking hate the woman at work who is trying to steal mine and Sukie's intellectual property.

2. I'm fucking pissed that my boss hired an empty, beige, shell of a woman in our department.

3. I really fucking hate the fact that John Edwards suckered me into believing in a politician and then acted like a fucking politician.



Problem 1: There is a woman at work that is trying to steal our work! We'll call her Mrs. Lovejoy (that's for all you Simpson's fans out there). She is working on a new project, and she has been charged with developing some employee training manuals/workshops. Sukie and I have done a lot of work in this area, and word has gotten around that the employees dig us. Mrs. Lovejoy basically asked me to hand all of our shit over to her. WTF, bitch? Why can't people use their fucking brains and develop their own shit? She's also one of those people who claims to be religious, but her actions/words don't show it. Clearly, Jesus would not fucking steal our work, Mrs. Lovejoy.



Problem 2: We've had a job opening in our department, and I was asked to help with the hiring process. A very beige woman (I say this because she is insipid) interviewed for the position. When she first walked in, I giggled in my head because she looks just like a Cabbage Patch doll. Exhibit A
She also seemed extremely dull and rehearsed. If that wasn't bad enough, what I call my "eight grade girl" antennae went up. I immediately smelled the "I'm a loser" on this chick. In our line of work, you will be eaten alive if clients smell this on you. To make matters worse, I thought that we had agreed on another job candidate, but apparently someone changed his mind. She'll start in two weeks. I'll keep you updated.

Problem 3: John Motherfucking Edwards! First of all, when Clinton slept with Monica, it really wasn't a shock. I could smell the sex on that man from my T.V. screen. It's why I loved him so. John Edwards, on the other hand, held himself out there as the loving husband to his dying of cancer wife. What if he had secured the Democratic party nomination? Did he even think about that? He certainly said he had thought about the struggling lower and middle classes. Did he not think about what this could do to the party he claimed to stand for? I thought he could be the real deal, and the joke is on me. I really should have known better, but he seemed so right. On a side note, I totally don't think his personal life should play into his politics, but it does...so fuck him for fucking it up.

I'm feeling disappointed and let down. On the other hand, you've allowed me to wallow in my anger and share it with you. For that, I thank you. So, in honor of Jay-Z, I may feel like I have 99 problems, but none of these motherfucking bitches are gonna be one, yo!

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Im a loser 8th grade girl, would you not hire me?

Alexandra Bitchford said...

You are not a loser 8th grade girl. You are full of win, and I smell it on you.

Anonymous said...

bionic nostrils