This I Believe...

The This I Believe project is very cool. If you have never heard of it, please click the link and read. I had to write one of these for an organization that I do some volunteer work for. I sat down to write it, and I had no idea what to say. I looked up, and I saw a picture of my beloved doggy, NJG. Some of the long-time readers probably remember when my dog died of cancer a few years ago. I was devastated. I've never loved anyone like I loved that dog. She was just very special. I thought I would share my This I Believe statement with you.



I believe in trust.

During my second year in college, I met my best friend. NJG was a terrier mix, who I found at the local animal shelter. She was shaking and thin when I met her. I took her home, and I had no idea how my life would change.

It wasn’t long before NJG stopped shaking and became my constant companion. We would go on long hikes throughout the South Carolina and North Carolina mountains. Something would pass between us during those hikes. It was not anything I can even give a name. I wanted to let that “something” in. On one of our hikes, some friends were trying to convince me to rappel off of a mountain. I was terrified. What if someone did not tie the ropes correctly? What if I did not secure myself before beginning my descent? The “something” that had passed between me and my beloved puppy took a hold of me. As I allowed a friend to prepare the ropes, I looked down and saw that NJG was sitting at my feet. I knew what she wanted. My friend strapped her to me, and we both rappelled down the side of the mountain. We were a sight, me with my teeth chattering from the fear, and my sweet puppy with all four of her legs sticking out stiff and straight.

Years later I found out that NJG was suffering from Mast Cell cancer. I was going to lose her, and it was going to be fast. I looked around my home, and I noticed all of the photos and memories that surrounded me. By my bedside table, there was a photo of NJG bounding through the waves at The Isle of Palms in South Carolina. She had no fear. It was just trust. In my home office, there was a photo of her staring happily into a sunrise in Boone, North Carolina. Again, there was no fear. It was just trust. Had NJG, who started out as my shaky and thin companion, taught me how to trust? She had.

As her days with me began to slip away, I wondered how I would ever be able to cope without her. During her last week, we had started to take afternoon naps together. I would pull her close to me, and I would fall asleep to her soft breathing. The “something” I had felt in the woods that day came over me again. It was trust.

My Sweet NJG

My sweet, sweet NJG just passed away. It happened so fast. The cancer took over her kidneys and lungs. She didn't feel well last night, and she woke me up @3:00 a.m. I have a friend who is a vet, and she came over. She went to sleep at home in her favorite bed. I don't know what to do with myself. I just keep walking around the house in circles. I can't believe that after 13 years, she just isn't here anymore. I know I did the right thing. I didn't want her to suffer.
She has been constant happiness in my life. There is no way to really explain how you love an animal. Please wish her peace today. I know her little soul is better now. Thanks for listening.

NJG

I came up with a brilliant plan this week. I've always "tucked" my precious doggie in every night. I had started kissing on her little belly because that is where her tumors are. I'm still kissing on her little belly at night, but now I am sending all of her cancer to Michael Vick, the sorry fucker.

Update on My Doggie

We took my doggie back to her cancer specialist today. It has been six weeks since she was diagnosed, and she is doing great. The doctor had given her about a week or so, so you can imagine how excited I am. One of her tumors shrunk, and the other one is the same size. There were some new spots on her liver, but I'm not going to dwell on that. She's sick, and I know it. I'm just glad she responded well to the meds and that she is still able to do everything she wants. Her doctor was very optimistic and said we would just take it week by week. Rock on NJG!

Animals are People

I've been M.I.A. for the past few days. I found out that my beloved, 13 year old doggie has cancer. We've had to make the choice of whether to put her through chemo or not. We've decided not to go that route. It's so hard to make a decision for someone who can't speak to you, but my gut tells me it is what she wants. I've been through so much with this dog. We've gone on week long camping trips in the mountains. We've even rappelled off of a mountain together. She was strapped to me. :) She's gone to the beach and run through the waves. She's never been boarded. We've always taken her with us on any trip, and when we just couldn't take her, she would stay with her grandparents or close friends.

I was really torn up when I found this out. I took a nap with her yesterday, and I fell asleep with my arm around her. Her breathing was so soft, and it put me to sleep. I woke up, and I felt this peace come over me. I can't really explain it any other way. I love her, and I don't want her to die, but she has accepted that it is her time. I owe it to her to accept that, as well. We're going to do whatever it is she wants. So far, she has had a steak for dinner one night, gets to take as many walks as she wants, and gets to sit outside with me in the hammock as long as she wants. She will go visit her grandparents and aunt tomorrow. They have ducks, and she loves to play with them. Her aunt even has a special room that she likes to stay in. She's always been able to do these things, but they just seem so much sweeter now. I can honestly say that I have no regrets, and I hope she doesn't either.

I think she came into my life when I needed the type of friend who would just listen. I've grown up with her, and she knows things about me that no one else ever will. Her time will come soon. They've given her between two to four weeks. I hope it's peaceful. I love her. Thanks for listening.