A PSA from the 70's

Is this creepy or what? And, it's really fucked up what Betty's mother did to her best friend Dottie. Really, it was fucked up. Wash your hands, people!

Why Pop Your Corn When You Can Poop It?

This is so wrong, but that has never stopped The Bitches before.

Sexy as Shit?

Someone sent this to me, and I had to share. You should really flush your toilet before taking a sexy shot of yourself for your MySpace page. Do I need to say anything else?

Bash Alexandra's Ex-Husband Contest

Well, my ex-husband just landed a job in mine and Sukie's division. He won't be on our floor or anything, but there will be times when we have to work with him. What the fuck? What in the fuck was someone thinking? Sukie thinks that most people don't even know he's my ex-husband because I was always too ashamed to tell anyone. Here's where you come in. Sukie has declared a verbal assault on him. Please comment and tell us some of the hateful things she should say and/or possibly do to him. The winner will win the satisfaction of knowing that you brightened my day with your hateful words. I guess I should look at the bright side. I'll have a hell of a lot more blogging material now.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

I was up very early this morning because Mr. Bitchford had to be at work. I usually get up and try to help him get ready. All of the animals go bat shit crazy, so it's not like I could sleep anyway. So, I was telling him goodbye, and we saw a truck go driving by the house. Not unusual...except, his back left tire was missing. He was only driving on the rim! He wasn't creeping down the road either. So, knowing what you guys know about Eastwick, you'll understand why I had to get in my car and follow him. Mr. Bitchford had to be at work, so I had to make sure I didn't miss anything. I followed him to a big intersection, and he made a right. He switched over to the left hand lane because we all know that you can go really fast on a rim. ;) I kept trying to get beside him because I was convinced he wouldn't have any pants on, or he would smile at me and have no teeth. Is this sterotyping the folks on Cops? Yes. Moving on...I was starting to think that maybe I was just a little nuts for finding this funny, and then my phone rang. It was Mr. Bitchford. He wanted to know what was happening and if I had gotten close enough to see if the guy had teeth or not. Oh, I love that man of mine. We are a good match.

Rachel Ray: The Corn Star

A friend brought this video to my attention. It's. Just. Funny.
Enjoy!

Yo, Adrian?

Do you see it? Yes? No? Sorry, people. I've hit my word limit for the day. This is all I've got. Carry on.

The Diva Cup

Have you all heard of these? Apparently, the diva cup is an environmentally friendly alternative to pads and tampons. There are two sizes. Size 1 is for those ladies who are not all old and floppity. Size 2 is for the women who are big ole whores or have had babies. You can read more about that on the web site. At first, I wrinkled up my nose in disgust. After getting past the initial nastiness, I realized that this is no different than shoving a bunch of cotton up in your crotch. I do have to admit that it grosses me out a bit to think of emptying the diva cup. In fact, I was speaking with Mrs. Flax today, and she completely grossed me out. I was bitching about the Eastwickeans, and she said, "Why don't you buy a diva cup? You can throw the blood on them." Ewww, Mrs. Flax. 2 points for sheer meanness, but -1 for nastiness. I would like your opinion about the diva cup. Are there any users out there?

It's Like an Episode of Friends

Do you remember when Joey and Chandler got free porn and were afraid to turn it off? Well, it has happened to me and Mr. Bitchford. We were flipping through channels, and I saw a huge breast. I yelled, "Hey! That was a huge breast. Turn that back." He did. Sure enough, it's the Playboy channel...in Spanish. Currently, there is a "story" on about scantily clad women wrestling in a real ring. Of course, ever so often, their clothes catch on something and get ripped off. Even as we speak, Luciano is giving it to Estella in the ring. We don't really watch porn, but it is hard to turn the channel. What if it goes away? If I start speaking Spanish, should I tell people how I picked it back up? Wouldn't that be fun? Si?

Fuck!

The Bitches have been M.I.A. for the past few days, and there are many good reasons.

1. A young man that I was mentoring committed suicide this past weekend. This has been really hard to deal with. He had a lot of issues, but he seemed to have been working through them. It's such a waste.

2. My parents were attacked by pit bulls on their morning walk. My mom is ok physically, but she is pretty traumatized by the attack. My dad was hurt, but he is being a butthole and won't get medical treatment.

3. Finally, Sukie's neighbor's house blew up this morning. Yep. The motherfucker blew right up. She was home and happened to look out the window as the roof and front of the house blew right the fuck off.

We are taking the week off and are starting to wonder if we should bother showering, dressing, and leaving our homes for the rest of the week.