Don't Let Your Champagne Taste Ruin Your Beer Budget

Ok—has anyone else seen the story about the bus driver who is on the verge of losing the $800,000 house she and her husband bought? Now, look, some of the foreclosures happening in America today are unfair. The lending industry did take advantage of a lot of people with their crooked mortgages and lending practices. HOWEVER, this is not really one of those cases. (Well, it is a little bit) Yes, the lender here is at partial fault because really? What lender would look at these people and think “Yes, these people will probably be able to pay off this house. This probably won’t end in foreclosure.” (I am assuming, of course, that banks prefer that people pay their mortgages rather than foreclosing on them, but I don’t really know that) And the fact that they allowed these MORONS to believe that they could afford an $800 K house is both ridiculous and wrong. HOWEVER (again), the bus driver and her husband are equally at fault because how ducking stupid do you have to be to think you can afford that house???

According to this salary wizard that I found online, the median salary for a bus driver in the US is $18,446. Now, I haven’t been able to figure out what her husband does for a living, but let’s just suppose he makes $30,000 (I’m willing to bet, however, he doesn’t make that much). That would give them a little over $48,000/year. According to this simple loan calculator that I found via Google, a 30-year loan for an $800,000 house at a low interest rate of 5.75% would end up costing these people $4668.58 per month. So…some more basic math: $48,000/12 = 4000. Now, that’s how much a month these people would have without giving up any of it to taxes or anything. And that? Isn’t even enough to cover the mortgage payment, much less electricity, gas, telephone, groceries. Now, your mortgage payment is not supposed to be more than 20% of your monthly income. I am really bad at math, but here’s what I figured: 20% of 23,342 is 4,668.40, so they would need a monthly income of over $23,000. Thus, they would need (not accounting for taxes again…) a yearly salary of $280,104. Pretty sure that has a snowball’s chance in Hell of happening. So I ask you: What lender would approve such a mortgage? And what idiot potential homebuyer wouldn’t look at that mortgage payment, and think, “How will I pay this?”

Note: I did not take into account any down payment because I figure any down payment they could have made: 10%, 20% wouldn't have made much of a difference in this case...but because several people on my other blog are optimists and suggested that maybe they put down a hefty down payment or "came into some money," I did a few more calculations. Not accounting for what comes out for taxes, IF they make a combined income of $48,000, they'd be bringing in $4000 each month. 20% of that is $800. Even if they came into some money from somewhere...to get the payment down to something they could afford ($800), they'd have had to put down $650,000 (and the payment would be around $875). Now, what are the odds these people inherited $650,000 from someone to put down on this $800 K house? My guess is the odds aren't too good. Simply put, the lenders in this case allowed these people to believe they could afford a house way outside their means, and the homeowners themselves were stupid...yeah, just stupid.

This example is also a sad commentary on our current American society. We are a nation of people seeking instant gratification and a nation of people who feel entitled. We are greedy. We have to start learning to live smaller, to live with less. We need to learn that we are not entitled to the best of the best. Are we all entitled to the American Dream? Sure. But we need to redefine the American Dream of the new millennium. In the 50s it was a lot simpler. I know because I am living in someone’s 1950s-era American Dream House. And it cost less than $100,000. And I can afford it because I make more than $18,446. Would I not love to also live in the lap of luxury with an $800,000 house, and a couple new sports cars, and ducking cabana boy by my custom pool? Sure. But I’m not willing to let any taste for champagne spoil my beer budget. And that’s what we need to come back to in this country. Unfortunately, it’s probably going to be a hard and long lesson for us to learn because we’ve been spoiled too much too long.

First of all, I would like to say that I really hope that Haleigh Cummings of Florida is found alive and well and unmolested. I really do. She's just a little girl. I hope she'll be ok.

With that out of the way, I would like to add that if, while in the midst of searching for your missing little girl, you take a time-out to get a commemorative tattoo, you might be a big, old douchebag.

The end.

dear john

Dear John McCain,

Let's make sure that before you go calling other people sexist, the comment to which you are referring is NOT one you have yourself made. M'kay?

Thanks,

In case y'all missed it, McCain's camp is making a big to-do out of Obama's comment that the McCain ticket is "not change...you can put lipstick on a pig and it's still a pig." McCain et. al. claim this is a direct sexist remark targeted at Sarah Palin who joked, "the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom? Lipstick!". They want an apology. Unfortunately for them, McCain is also a fan of the old adage "you can put lipstick on a pig...". And it is an old adage, so their point is really moot--especially since the last time McCain used it was in a discussion of Hillary Clinton's health care plan...and nobody said that was sexist.

Sarah can't stop lying...(revised...I am sick, but now I'm sick and can't sleep)

I mean, really, if this bitch had Pinocchio's problem, she'd be able to stab Bin Laden to death herself with her nose--without leaving her home state of Alaska.

And John McCain? Starting to remind me of Bernie in that movie Weekend at Bernie's. And Sarah Palin is propping him up like a puppet, making him move his mouth to her words. Earth to John McCain. John? This is Earth! Come in, John! Shit, y'all, I think we've lost John!

Sarah: Just let it go. We know now (for sure) that you DID support that "bridge to nowhere"--a symbol of political corruption, of overspending, of those earmarks you claim you fought against. We also know that you were the Queen of earmarks, hiring a lobbying firm to get you the most money possible out of Congress. Uh, hello. So, please, just stop repeating that line over and over again. And tell John to stop, too. At least he use to have some integrity before he started hanging out with you. But now you've got him telling outright lies, too, and that just ain't right! Now, I know that this isn't entirely your fault. I mean, after all, if John McCain had stood up to the Republican party and chosen one of his top two picks (Lieberman/Ridge) against their wishes (Mitt Romney), you wouldn't even be here. I know that you are only here today because John McCain basically got mad, through a hissy fit (if you won't let me have who I want...I won't give you who you want, either!), had only a couple of days left to make a pick the party would approve, and so, he picked you. I know it was a rash decision, one which shows us just what kind of president McCain would be. I know you've been struggling to stay above water ever since (that's why you just keep repeating the same lines over and over and refuse interviews while you attempt to study up on foreign policy). I know it's particularly tough since you don't actually believe in the same things as John McCain (like that global warming is man-made or that a windfall tax is a bad idea--seeing as you had such great success with that in Alaska, that one makes sense). But really? The lying? Has got to stop. I mean, a little exaggeration is expected, but outright lying is wrong. Drop the line. Find a new one. Preferably? A true one. Thanks.

Sources: Politifact, 9/3/08, CBS News, 9/2/08, Governor Palin Press Release, 9/21/07, Ketchikan Daily News, 11/21/06, Ketchikan Daily News, 8/9/06, Ketchikan Daily News, http://archive.ketchikandailynews.com/archive_results.php, 8/9/06, accessed 8/29/08, Ketchikan Daily News, 10/2/06, Anchorage Daily News, 10/22/06, republished 08/29/08, Washington Post, Kurtz Column, 9/9/08, AP, 9/9/08, Time Magazine, 9/9/08, Daily News Miner, 8/31/08, Anchorage Daily News, 8/31/08, USA Today, 9/8/08, AP, 9/8/08, Factcheck.org, 9/4/08, Politifact, Chicago Tribune Blog, 9/9/08, Wall Street Journal, 9/9/08,

Oh, Sarah...

Putting aside the fact that VP candidate Sarah Palin has not nearly enough experience to step in if/when John McCain (if elected) dies (what's she gonna do? Toss a hockey stick at terrorists???), she's CRAZY!

Palin recently said that the war in Iraq is "God's task." She's even admitted she hasn't thought about the war much—just last year she was quoted saying, "I've been so focused on state government, I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq." ^{1, 2} Seriously?? God sent our soldiers over there to die?? It's a Holy War?!?! WTF?!?! And also, doesn't she have a son who could potentially be sent to Iraq--but she hasn't thought much about it???

Palin has actively sought the support of the fringe Alaska Independence Party. Six months ago, Palin told members of the group—who advocate for a vote on secession from the union—to "keep up the good work" and "wished the party luck on what she called its 'inspiring convention.'" ³ Seceeding from the country definitely goes along with the theme of "Country First," no?

Palin wants to teach creationism in public schools. She hasn't made clear whether she thinks evolution is a fact.⁴ Of course, we all know evolution's a crock, no? So, I guess she ain't so nuts...

Palin doesn't believe that humans contribute to global warming. Speaking about climate change, she said, "I'm not one though who would attribute it to being manmade." ⁵ She's clearly been hanging out w/ George W. And hasn't been reading much.

Palin has close ties to Big Oil. Her inauguration was even sponsored by BP. ⁶ Ahem...reformer...ahem...yeah, Big Oil won't keep its stronghold on Washington with Ms. "Drill, Baby, Drill," will it? No wonder she thinks that drilling will solve all our problems

Palin is extremely anti-choice. She doesn't even support abortion in the case of rape or incest. ⁷ Enough said.

Palin opposes comprehensive sex-ed in public schools. She's said she will only support abstinence-only approaches.⁸ This is probably why her 17 y/o daughter is pregnant and being forced to marry her teenage boyfriend--but I'm just speculating on that.

As mayor, Palin tried to ban books from the library. Palin asked the library how she might go about banning books because some had inappropriate language in them—shocking the librarian, Mary Ellen Baker. According to Time, "news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire Baker for not giving "full support" to the mayor." ⁹ Ah...forget BIg Brother! It's Big Sister!

She DID support the Bridge to Nowhere (before she opposed it). Palin claimed that she said "thanks, but no thanks" to the infamous Bridge to Nowhere. But in 2006, Palin supported the project repeatedly, saying that Alaska should take advantage of earmarks "while our congressional delegation is in a strong position to assist." ¹⁰ So, I really wish she would quit saying that. Why make a big deal out of it when you're clearly a flip-flopper??

On a lighter note, if you haven't seen it, check out the Daily Show clip on Palin. It's worth a watch (I personally enjoy the comparison to Britney Spears' parents--it's a good point...oh,oh, and when Palin talks about sexism...good stuff):

Sources
1. "Palin: Iraq war 'a task that is from God'," Associated Press, September 3, 2008

2. "Palin wasn't 'really focused much' on the Iraq war," ThinkProgress, August 30, 2008

3. "The Sarah Palin Digest," ThinkProgress, September 4, 2008

4. "McCain and Palin differ on issues," Associated Press, September 3, 2008

5. Ibid

6."The Sarah Palin Digest,"" ThinkProgress, September 4, 2008

7. Ibid

8. Ibid.

9. "Mayor Palin: A Rough Record," Time, September 2, 2008

10. "The Sarah Palin Digest," ThinkProgress, September 4, 2008

I don't get women voters

I try to understand different points of view, to be open to new and different ideas. But some things I just don't get. Like how a woman can vote for John McCain.

Not only has the man shown a general disrespect for women (calling his wife a c*nt to her face in front of others), but his policy positions threaten to doom women to a life reminiscent of the pre-Civil Rights era.

Hear me out:

John McCain is anti-abortion (if this a hot-button topic for you, skip to the next paragraph). Regardless of how you personally feel about abortion, I don't understand women who would be willing to hand over their right to choose, to make informed, educated decisions for themselves. John McCain would put into place Supreme Court justices who would work to overturn Roe vs. Wade, so women would be back at square one: you're too dumb to decide for yourselves, so we'll decide for you--you have no choice. And excuse me, but that's bullshit.

As if that's not enough, John McCain has made it well known that he does not support sex education. So not only will he take away our right to choose whether or not to give birth, he will take away the one thing that will allow women to become educated enough to avoid accidental or unwanted pregnancy in the first place! Yikes! I mean, that's basically akin to wanting to put women back in "their place:" barefoot and pregnant in kitchens across America, slaving over three-course meals for their men. Thanks, John, but no thanks.

On top of that, his preference for the miserable failure that is abstinence-only programs threatens an increase in STDs, a rise in teen pregnancy, and, naturally, an increase in illegal (and dangerous) abortions. We will also see a steep decline in the availability of birth-control:

McCain opposed Title X, the nation's family planning program.
In 1990, McCain voted NO on legislation to extend the Title X federal family planning program, which provides low-income and uninsured women and families with health care services ranging from breast and cervical cancer screening to birth control. I mean, seriously, what could be more important if you're genuinely concerned about American families? About family values? How about educating women about birth control, so the issue of abortion is a non-issue? How about educating them about health and providing them with screenings that will save taxpayers millions of dollars by catching expensive and debilitating medical problems like cancer ahead of time? But no, I guess it's easier just to let the problem be and bitch about it later.

McCain opposed requiring insurance coverage of prescription birth control.
In 2003, McCain voted NO on legislation to improve the availability of contraceptives for women and to require insurance coverage of prescription birth control. Excuse me? If you really want to be pro-life, how about making birth control readily available?? That's just common sense! It makes no sense to make it harder to get and then just expect women to give birth to babies they didn't want, didn't plan for, and can't afford (and whom we taxpayers will end up paying for!).

This is just a tiny glimpse into the future of women in America if John McCain wins in November. It's not all about sex and health. Notably, McCain stayed out campaigning rather than attending the vote on the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act in April. This important legislation would have overturned the Supreme Court decision that said employees have six months from the date of discrimination--rather than 6 months from the date they discovered the discrimination--to sue their employers for equal pay. McCain didn't think the legislation was important. Had he attended the vote, he has said he would've voted against it. So much for cracks in the glass ceiling, huh?

Not even his choice of a woman for a running mate (a move I personally find almost nauseating in its transparency of purpose) can make up for McCain's distinctly anti-women political positions. And this is why I cannot, just cannot, understand women who would give this man their vote. I don't get it.

John McCain Hates Me (and probably you, too)

I think John McCain is a little stupid.

And apparently the feeling is mutual.

At a recent dinner for his hoity-toity (very wealthy) supporters, when questioned about his tax decreases (you know, the ones for his rich buddies), John McCain reportedly said, "People who make under $80,000 are too stupid to understand taxes anyway."

Now, I was fair; I said reportedly. But even if he didn't say it, he obviously believes it. After all, he keeps promising to give us a break on our taxes. Yet, he plans not to substantially decrease taxes for the 60% of tax payers (uh...that's most of us!) who make less than $66,354 a year. After all, we're too stupid to understand the fact that all his promises of decreased taxes will mostly benefit the rich folks (Yay for Brangelina! They'll really appreciate that extra cash in their pockets). He assumes that we're so stupid that every time he says that he plans to decrease taxes, we'll believe he means for us.

Well, I'm not that stupid, John Wayne McCain (unlike you, I did not graduate in the bottom 5 of my class--894 out of 899). I can see very clearly that unless I make over $111,000 a year, your tax breaks aren't going to help me--not one bit. PS: I really like how you plan to save our poorest citizens a mere $19 a year (that oughta buy what? one more package of diapers?). That's awesome. Me? That extra $319 will sure help out next year (or not even put a dent in my gas bill...).

But John Boy is counting on his belief that all those middle-class Republicans out there are stupid enough to believe he will cut them a break tax-wise.

I really hope they're not. Really.

FYI: John McCain doesn't know how many homes he owns. Wouldn't it be nice to be that rich?

Bitch pissed me off

Phone rings the other night.

Me: Hello.

Lady: Hi. Is this Mrs. Tanner?

This annoys the hell out of me for two reasons: 1. I'm not married, and 2. The name is Turner...can you fucking read?

Me: No. There is no such person.

Lady: Oh. Is this not xxx Little Street?

Me (curious): That depends. Who are you and what do you want?

Her: I'm calling on behalf of Blankety-Blank because my records show the Tanners own this home at xxx Little Street, and their home warranty is expiring, and they should renew it.

Me (pissed): Really? That's weird. Because I own this home. Me...by myself. There're no Tanners. It's my name on the mortgage, on the books--just mine, and I am not Mrs. Tanner of the Tanner family, and if you REALLY were someone I needed to talk to about my home, you would know that, or you would at least take the time to read the information in front of you.

WTF? Why do I have to be married to own my own fucking home? What is so hard about seeing one name on a mortgage? What is so difficult about understanding that me and my one name are single--there's no Mr., no little ones? And why the hell can't you get my last name right? This isn't rocket science, people. It's basic reading--not even whole sentences--just words--sounds really.

Sound it the fuck out.

I took detailed notes

So Mr. Dumbshit starts off the meeting today, giving his little spiel. Here are my notes from that part:

• Module is not a verb. You can't say "We module to X." I moduled to work today? I module in my spare time? No, that's a noun, jackass.


• Ummm...no, that's not really true at all. Does he know the meaning of the word overt?


• I should not be allowed in meetings with him anymore because I can NOT maintain a neutral expression (FYI: Alex later confirmed this is very true--I failed again).


• OMG--that's a BLATANT, bold-faced lie! WTF!?!?!


• I need a pill before I lose it.

Then it was our turn, and of course, we rocked the house. We whipped up a PowerPoint, gave our little spiel and handouts, and everyone loved us. That's because we're not slack-asses--even when we have less than a day to prepare. So, there (she said, pushing imaginary paper in Mr. Dumbshit's direction).

Dumbshit Should be His Name

I really like it when my project director schedules a meeting with people from an outside company--at which we are supposed to report on the project and how it's going--and he e-mails my team and I Monday morning to tell us about said meeting, which is tomorrow.

It is even more annoying that he writes, "Don't forget the meeting w/ X tomorrow" when he never even fucking told us there was going to be a meeting tomorrow until today!

What a fucking idiot.

I want to shoot myself in the head.
Instead, I'll go work on that presentation.

Right...

Because we know it so well...
Fidiots.

Sukie's Completely Logical Analysis of the Video Posted Below

First of all, no one gets to call on Agent Mulder like that, ok? Totally not cool—especially since that kid sounds nothing like David Duchovny (I mean, I watched the X-Files religiously). And also, is this dumbass video suggesting then that aliens are also explained by creationism? Because I gotta tell ya, when they took me up in that UFO last week…

Second, I am not even going to get into the whole the Bible cannot be taken literally argument here because quite frankly, I think it's a given, and if you don't, you should totally buy these videos for your kid.And tell him to look out for dinosaurs on the way to school next week.

Currently, I’m searching my Bible for the part where it says “death, disease and bloodshed are a consequence of sin.” I’m annoyed they didn’t cite that chapter and verse. I mean, he points to the words in his Bible. He says, "The Bible clearly says..." I can see the words, but I can't see what book of the Bible he's reading. I put those key terms into bible.com, and I got no hits…so I’m just curious—where exactly did God say this? I tried googling it, too, but all I get is more bullshit like this:

I should note that you also get a fun article called "How to build a bomb in a public school system."

But no chapter and verse. Finally, I found a guy who claimed it to be in Romans 5:12, which I looked up (KJ version):

"Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned"

Not exactly a good paraphrase, now is it? I guess it does have the word "death," which is something.

I found another possibility in 1 Corinthians 15:21-22:

"For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive."

Again, I don't know what Bible fake Agent Mulder is reading, but insofar as I can tell, it ain't the Christian one. Therefore, creationists can't read. (How you like that logic, bitch?)

I also noticed that following this supposed verse, is an explanation beginning with "In Genesis...". Now, it's been a while since I read the thing cover to cover, but I am pretty sure that no other book of the Bible refers to another book by name like that. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. So, clearly, Kid Mulder is reading from a creationist text and not the Bible. In simpler terms, he's a fucking liar.

So if you are following Sukie logic, creationists can't read and are fucking liars.

Don't even get me started on the chick who wrote the note in Agent Mulder's bible...who's she...Scully? Another alien? M'kay.

So now that the technical stuff is out of the way, let's look at the premise based upon this fake Bible verse: Since sin was created by Adam, and death exists because Adam sinned, fossils could not have existed prior to Adam's sin. Uh-huh. I really hope the kiddies for whom this video is intended are following this logic...

Now, because fossils could not have existed before Adam sinned, any fossils recovered by scientists must be from some time between Adam's sin and now. Thus, when scientists find fossils and carbon date them and discover they are millions of years old, they are just wrong. Because the world is only 10,000 years old. After all, the Bible says so. This is what Billy Bob the fucking redneck safari man is trying to explain with his animated collapse of the pile of bones beneath the formerly perfect world.

Therefore, creationists are rednecks.

Then, we're back to fucking dinosaurs not being man-eaters again. Therefore, the theory of evolution is wrong. Follow that? Because dinosaurs were originally vegetarians, we should all believe that they were created on the 6th day--same day as man, which means they can't be millions of years old--only as old as poor, dead Adam. Forget those dinosaur fossils that have been carbon dated. Forget all the scientific proof! Evolution is a hoax designed to make you sin more, and have more death, bloodshed, disease, etc.

Sukie's "logical" conclusion based on this video: creationists believe in aliens, can't read, are fucking liars, and are fucking rednecks, who are destined to lives of death, bloodshed, and disease. (They also probably build public school bombs, but I'm not sure on that).

A Request for Sukie

Dear Sukie,
One of our readers found the following video on youtube:

These videos are created by a group called The Creation Adventure Team. Some of them contain logical ideas like, "An animal's sharp teeth doesn't tell you what food it ate or how it behaved, only that it had sharp teeth. Bears have sharp teeth, but they are vegetarians. Therefore, man and dinosaurs were both created on the sixth day and coexisted peacefully." I hope you caught my sarcasm there. Anyway, the reader thought this would really get your juices going and has requested a good ole Sukie response.

So today I'm leaving the office supply store after a trip for some supplies for work when this man approaches me:
"Ma'am, ma'am, excuse me, ma'am?"
I turn towards him thinking perhaps he needs some help.
He says, "Have you been born again?"
I couldn't help myself: "Well, yes, sir, I sure have. Matter of fact, I been born again 4 times now, but this is my first shot at being human, and I gotta tell ya, I think I prefer a dog's life."
He blinked.
Sorry, bud, wrong day, wrong bitch.

Whatever

I hate cookie cutter houses. I hate that they all look the same and have no personality. But mostly, I hate when people I know buy these generic McHouses, send me pictures, and then expect me to comment. What am I supposed to say? Nice house...looks just like the one Sally and Joe bought a month ago--different shade of gray, though. I like your shade of gray better. Wait. Let me guess: 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, formal dining/living, eat-in kitchen, open floor plan, with that God-forsaken "man cave" everyone has to have these days?? What'd I win?

Broke the Doctor's Orders

A 3rd-grade teacher disciplined a student in her class.

Next thing she knows, nine of her students have hatched a plot to attack her.

Their plot included handcuffs, a steak knife, a paper weight, tape, etc.

Here's what I want to know: what kind of fucked up world do we live in when children are so unaccustomed to discipline that they respond to it with intricate plans to commit violent acts?

(Yeah, despite my doctor's orders, I watched the news again. Damn it.)

A Really Long Rant...

You know what? I'm just going to give it all up and start doing other people's jobs for them--from the beginning. That way, I won't have to waste so much time and effort cleaning up their messes when they fuck it all up.

So I'm on this team for this project at work. The so-called leader of this work group is the biggest freaking-A moron ever--let us call her Ms. Frizzy Head. Yes, that'll work.

Ms. Frizzy Head probably hasn't had a coherent thought since, oh, I don't know...sometime in the mid '70s, a time period during which I think the bitch tripped on acid a few too many times. This is also the last time she probably brushed that bird's nest hair. But alas, I digress...

For this project, like oh-so-many work-world projects, we need to print things. Well, we have photocopiers for that...but we have those photocopiers into which you must punch a code number before you can use it...you know so they can track who's doing how much of what for what projects--and make sure people aren't making superfluous copies of their asses for shits and giggles.

Well, within our division, we get a new copy code for each big new project. There's also a general copy code for the division--in case you need copies that aren't related to a big project.

So...we're working on Project X, which, for some inexplicable reason, has not yet received its copy code. So, when we had a meeting earlier this week, Ms. Frizzy Head comes with no copies of anything--for anyone. Why? Because she didn't have a copy code. So I ask her, "Did you call Stacy (the woman in charge of assigning copy codes)." No, of course she didn't call Stacy. So after the meeting, at my suggestion, our frazzled leader e-mails Stacy and attempts to explain to her, rather incoherently, that we need a copy code. She copies me on this e-mail, which makes no sense. It looks like this:

Stacy,
We need copies, what numbers for copies do
we need?
Frizzy

Naturally, Stacy, who handles about a dozen different divisions has no idea what she's talking about, so she basically e-mails her back that she doesn't understand, but that "you have a copy code you can use, and the number of copies possible on each account code varies based on the project."

Now Frizzy is all confused.

So, she e-mails me to tell me she's confused, forwarding with it Stacy's e-mail. Well, no wonder they're both confused, right? I ignore it because, quite frankly, I have more important things to do at that precise moment.

Next thing I know, Frizzy has e-mailed SIX other people about her copying dilemma, including people not even in our division and the head of the Accounting Division. She copies me on this, too. (Why? Apparently because I have a brain, and she wants me to interpret for her).

The Head of the Accounting Division then e-mails us all back, explaining that since the code has not been assigned to the project yet, Frizzy should use the general code for our division. Later, she explains, when the code has been assigned, we will transfer those copies to the correct code number. In the meantime, we need to keep track of how many copies we are using for our particular project, so we can assign those copies to the specific project account later.

Simple and clear, right?

Negative.

Frizzy e-mails me and just me and says, "I know you got this e-mail. I don't know what she's talking about. Can you figure this out?"

Yes, because I have a brain...and this means I know that Frizzy can't read, so I walk over to her fucking cubicle and explain it to her verbally. I make her repeat it back to me. Then, for back-up I type it out in 3 simple steps. And print it out. And tack it to her cubicle in front of her face.

Later, we have another meeting--with no copies. And I'm like, Frizzy! WTF?? We're trying to get some shit together for clients and we can't even print the shit out and copy it?? She explains that we still don't have a project copy account number. Oh, for the love, of FSM. I walk out, walk to her cubicle, pull down the directions, and hand them to her:

Step One: Use our division code for copies for now.

Step 2: Write down how many copies you make.

"Do you know our general account number?" I ask her.

"Yes," she says to me.

"Then, use it to make some copies!" I tell her.

Fast-forward.

I get an e-mail, copied to EVERYone and her grandma, from the Head of Accounting:

"I thought I had already explained to you all that you should use your division code until the project account is assigned. Please do this. Later, I will ask you for the number of copies for this project so far. You will give them to me. I will transfer that number into your project account."

WTF?

So, I walk back over to Frizzy's: "What is going on with the photocopying?"

She tells me she re-e-mailed the Head of Accounting and Stacy to ask them AGAIN for the procedure to make copies because "we can't make copies until we have a code!"

WTF?

FOUR DAYS HAVE PASSED.

I take some of the originals off Frizzy's desk and go to the photocopier. I put in the division code. I make the copies. I distribute the copies to the rest of our work group like the fucking photocopy fairy. I give copies to Frizzy.

Then, what does Frizzy do?

She looks at me in awe, hugs me (ew!), and says, "OMG! You are so incredible! How did you manage to get those copies for us???"

Are you serious?

I punched in the code and hit "Copy." Then, I wrote down the number of copies I made on a Post-it. Later, I will e-mail this number to Head of Accounting.

How hard is this??

But then it gets even better.

Frizzy apparently sits down at her desk and fires off this ridiculously rude e-mail to Head of Accounting. Are you serious?? This woman is in charge of all the money! Why, oh, why would you piss her off?? But in a miraculous moment of actual intelligence, Frizzy runs it by me before hitting send.

I tell her she cannot send that e-mail, explaining,

"If your purpose is to express to her that you are angry, this would work. However,if your purpose is merely to inform her of the source of your frustration/confusion, then I think this may be, as you called it, a little over the line. After all, what would it accomplish? It would probably just make her angry, too, which would likely just result in an angry e-mail back. I would go with something a little more diplomatic (you know what they say about burning bridges), like this..."

Then she e-mails me back:

Thank you so much. That is a much better tone. No need to burn bridges or go to Defcom-3. I will cut and paste your version, if that is OK with you.

Seriously?? Now, I have to write your e-mails for you? How in the hell did you get into a supervisory position?? How have you stayed with this company for so long?? How have you not managed to accidentally stop breathing?

Then she came over and hugged me two times for being "so brilliant."

And this is why I hate 98% of the people I work with. They are seriously as dumb as bricks.

I'm just curious...

Doesn't Congress have better things to do than worry about whether or not Roger Clemens was injected with steroids ten years ago?

That is all.

I'd just like to say...

(because I have a blog, and Valerian Root makes me a little loopy...I think this might be better than your Xanax, Alex...oh, and because I managed to keep my mouth mostly shut at work for, like, 3 weeks now)

that I think Super Delegates are a crock. Isn't it a little not Democratic to say that certain people's votes count more and could potentially trump our votes...

and that I'm sick to death of grown adults who act like children...

and that I hate, like, 98% of the people at my place of employment (but I didn't major in math)...

and I think it's stupid that grown-ups can't even do the simplest assigned tasks at work (I wrote the number down for you--all you had to do was copy it onto the form!)...

and Fuck teamwork...shit gets done and done right and more quickly when I just do it my damn self...

and that's because 98% of the people I work with are complete and total jackasses disguised as regular human beings...

and Fuck my doctor for thinking melatonin and blood pressure meds would cure my insomnia (I haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep one night in two weeks)...

and that it's 2008 and you should know how to use a damn computer--there's one on every damn desk in this building...

and no one gives a rat's ass about what your kid did at school yesterday...we just want this stupid fucking meeting to end for the love of FSM!

and Seriously? Thanks for the praise, but I didn't build a fucking rocket...all I did to fix your stupid problem was to pick up the phone and dial a number and ask somebody...now, why the fuck couldn't you do that? It's called a motherfucking brain, bitch...use it--I know you have it because you're still fucking breathing.

and Hey, Fatty McFatterton: PS: you're fat because you eat Fast Food EVERY fucking day. Yeah, that's right--I see that Zaxby's on your desk again! I'm not because I had a salad for lunch...so stop telling me it's just because I'm blessed by your crazy Down-Home Baptist God.

The end (for now).

Bill O'Reilly Sucks @SS!

I've never liked the man. That's the truth.

(Glenn Beck, another conservative TV personality, but one whom I respect a bit more, suggested the other night that if we're going to provide commentary on politics, we ought to at least disclose our biases, which he does, and I do, too. We all know I'm not a conservative, that I vote Democratic, and now, that I've never liked Bill O'Reilly)

Also the truth: I have for a long time been concerned about the fact that 1/4 of the homeless population in this country are military veterans. I've written about it before. It makes me sad and embarrassed to be an American that the men and women who serve this country come home to...well, no home.

John Edwards has also spent a lot of time talking about the plight of our veterans and vowing to make changes to save them. The other night in Nevada, he repeated this message:

“In a country with as much wealth as America has, for us to have as many as 200,000 veterans who go to bed under bridges, go to sleep under bridges, or on grates, and who are homeless... This is immoral, and it’s wrong. And we, America, we have a responsibility to do something about it."

Bill O'Reilly, on his show, said in reference to John Edwards' comments, "Well, we're still looking for all the veterans sleeping under the bridges, Ed. So, if you find anybody, let us know....". Clearly, O'Reilly takes issue with the statistics about the number of homeless vets. In fact, he argued,

"They may be out there, but there are not many of them out there, OK. So, if you know where there is a veteran sleeping under a bridge, you call me immediately, and we will make sure that man does not do it."

Last night, John Edwards spoke to a group called US Veterans, a non profit organization that reintegrates homeless vets back into society. The room was filled with homeless vets. Said, John to them,

“I heard that, last night, Bill O'Reilly, who's a talk show host, who's heard that I have said this about hundreds of thousands of veterans who don't have a place to live, and were homeless. And he challenged me about whether that's true or not, whether, in fact, we have that many veterans who don't have a place to live, and some of them are sleeping under bridges. Well, he ought to start by coming to Las Vegas, if he wants to know what's going on.

America has the responsibility to do something about this. We do. And the fact that this talk show host, Bill O’Reilly, is willing to speak out that blatantly, when he has no idea what he’s talking about, is an example of how America doesn’t understand the problem, doesn’t understand how serious this issue is.”

Get him, John! When's the last time Bill O'Reilly went to the "other side of the tracks" in search of homeless vets? When was the last time he offered one of them a place to sleep? When was the last time he offered to foot the bill for a vet's medical bills? Bill O'Reilly is so far removed from us Regular Joes that, as John says, he has no idea what he's talking about...in which case he ought to keep his big, fat, stupid mouth shut.