No Words

Someone sent me this link today.

Countdown To Chaos

I really have no words. My state doesn't care about its people. The stimulus package debate is dead. It's out there now. If the governor takes this money or does not take this money, I will have to pay it back. What's going on out there? What are your states doing?

The Political Cesspool

Here's a fine photo of some of our state legislators. They are literally rolling up their sleeves to support our governor. Basically, they are pissed about the stimulus plan, but they haven't really offered any solutions to our state's problem. Why? Probably because they cater to our state's problem. These are the same guys who Twitter about watching American Idol and eating at the Olive Garden. If you remember from a past post, this isn't a personal Twitter account they do this from. Perhaps American Idol or the Olive Garden is part of their solution. Who the fuck knows? As long as they keep telling the Eastwickeans that all Hispanics are nasty illegals and homosexuals don't deserve rights, then all will be right with their world. At any rate, I saw this picture today, and it made me vomit in my mouth a little bit.

Look Out for your Neighbor

When the economy began tanking, I knew it would be bad, but I didn't anticipate how desperate people would become. This is a news story detailing a bank robbery that happened in a county down the road from Eastwick. According to the police, the man did not have a criminal record. I'm not excusing robbing a bank and putting these people in danger, but I think we will see more and more of this. I was having a conversation with Mr. Preppypants the other day, and he just pissed me the fuck off. As you can imagine from my previous posts, Mr. Preppypants and I do not agree on a lot, especially on politics. He was giving his view on the stimulus package and President Obama. He basically said that the whole thing blows, and he shouldn't be held responsible for helping someone else. Well, why not? I've always felt like the Republican party, which Mr. Preppypants belongs to, feels as though community organizations should take care of people down on their luck. In the Eastwick area, this mainly consists of faith-based organizations. Now, I don't prescribe to the Eastwickeans idea of religion, but I still believe that these places do wonderful things for my community. I try to give as much as I'm able to give. I asked Mr. Preppypants, "When is the last time you gave money to one of these organizations? When was the last time you volunteered?" His response was that he shouldn't have to help "these" people. My response was, "Well, if we don't help through the community and faith based organizations, then the government will have to get involved." His response was for them to fend for themselves. I would like to think that I'm right, but who knows. All I know is that it makes me feel better to care for my neighbor than to turn a blind eye. I wish someone would have done that for the man in the article. Maybe he wouldn't have felt so trapped.

Eastwick (technically our state, but whatever) Senator Pitches a Fit

Here he is, folks! Lindsey Graham! Late last year, Mr. Graham voted for the bailout package. In fact, he was quoted as saying the bailout is a bad choice, but not passing it would be catastrophic to our economy (http://www.wspa.com/). As everyone knows, we bailed out those companies, and now they are taking lavish vacations and buying rugs that cost as much as my house. Fast forward to the present. Mr. Graham has come out *(no pun intended) against the stimulus package. Just today he was on the floor waving the bill around, so everyone could see how thick and full of pork it is. Now, I'm not saying that there aren't some things that could be trimmed from the package, but come on! He kowtowed to the bailout package, but when there is a Democratic president, he wants to wave giant stacks of paper in the air and act like he has a giant set of balls. Barbara Boxer (D-CA) called his punk ass out today, and he tried to bow up and blabber something about bipartisanship. He doesn't give a shit about bipartisanship. He sure as hell didn't last year, so what gives now? He was too busy following John McCain around and being his fucking lap dog. See...

Oh, and he wants to talk about bipartisanship and working together. Then what the fuck is up with this...

Thanks for making our state on its way to bankruptcy. I'm glad you are concerned about the really important things. I mean it's not like Eastwick is being affected by the economy or anything. It's not like the entire fucking state isn't on one big furlough. There are no lines at the unemployment center. The teachers are being paid so much that they just line the fucking class gerbil cage with money. Listen to the people, Mr. Graham. We voted for change!

*It's a joke in our state that Senator Graham is gay. He has never said that he is, and I could really give two shits one way or the other.

Dubya's Letter to Obama

There has been much speculation as to what the letter said. The suspense has been unbearable at times. I was so relieved when someone emailed me what the letter said. Please see below.

Deer Barock, lets hang out this sumer. Stay kewl. W.

hee.

America the Beautiful

Happy Inauguration Day! Sukie and I were able to slip away from work for a few hours and attend a party. There were a lot of people, especially for it to be Eastwick. Everyone was in good spirits, and it was just an all around good day. I feel hopeful today. Mr. Bitchford and I had to run by the local Publix on our way home, and we ran into (literally) and old woman. She had her cart all wedged up in the soup aisle, and of course all I needed was one can of tomato. Anyway, we waited for her to spot us, but she didn't. Mr. Bitchford asked her if he could just slip in behind her buggy for a minute to grab a can of soup. She looked at him and said, "Sure. Isn't this just the best day ever?" We both smiled really big and responded, "Yes, it is." Did anyone out there get to attend the inauguration live?

Eastwick Deserves Exactly What's Coming to It

Check this out. SC TWEETS

This is a site that our state legislators can use to give us taxpayers little snippets of their days. I'm assuming that this site was intended for SC business. As a citizen, I would be interested in what my legislators are doing in such tough economic times. Seriously, SC just cut public education by double digits. I want to know what the fuck is going on. Let me give you some examples. We'll start with Mr. Joey Millwood.

JoeyMillwood: is back at work. Not a lot to do in the office but I have to go to basketball tonight.

JoeyMillwood: @antonjgunn 24's about the only Republican show on tv!

Basketball? Watching the show 24? What are you, Joey, a legislator or a 12 year old boy?

Here's another favorite.

NathanBallentin: this week alone: 3 meals at Chickfila, 3 meals at Moe's. That just doesn't seem too healthy, does it?

Well, Nathan, while those meals might not be too healthy, I'm sure our growing homeless population would have enjoyed them. Thanks for your legislative input. You're brilliant.

What in the hell is wrong with these people? Do I jump ship and run away? I'm seriously passed pissed off or even embarrassed. I'm frightened. These people are in charge of my state, and the majority of my state put them there. I really can't believe that they've put this type of bullshit on SCTWEETS. That can't be what the site was intended for. Anyone want to make fun of us? Go ahead. I would.

It's a new day!

Election Day!

Make sure you go vote today...unless you're voting a McCain/Palin ticket. ;)

We went to visit my in-laws this past weekend, and my mother-in-law had a little treat for me. I've been under major stress at work lately, and I'm just tired of listening to the typcial Eastwickean bullshit. She knew this and had a surprise ready. I went to the bathroom, on Halloween night, and I found the following.

Too funny, right? She totally made Sarah Palin a witch and put her in the toilet. I'm not sure, but I think Mr. Bitchford tried to pee on her a few times. I wonder if Sarah likes the golden shower? Hmmm.

At one point, one of the house guests decided to become Sarah.

It was a relaxing and uneventful time. I've already voted, but I'm getting ready to go to our polling place. I've got my camera ready, and I want to see if there is any action. Please report back to the bitches and let us know what you see out there today.

Swing States, Political Signs, and the Infomercial

First of all, is there anyone out there living in a swing state? I've forgotten what it's like to live in a place where I don't have to hide my political affiliation. Second, Mr. Bitchford and I are heading to a swing state on Sunday to Barack the vote. Yep! We're going door-to-door. I was surprised at how organized these people were. I was even sent an email giving me detailed directions on where to go, what to expect, and what's expected of me. I'll have to report back.

Even though I live in Eastwick, I've been pleasantly surprised at all of the Obama/Biden signs in my neighborhood. This is NOT something that you normally see here. My MIL has actually threatened to flog anyone who gets near her sign. She's even bringing it in after dark just like a person might bring in his/her puppy. So, the signs are out, but the assholes are still trying to steal them.

Finally, who watched the Obama infomercial? It was very well done, but I didn't exactly expect it to be a piece of crap. I think it was probably successful in keeping up his momentum and getting people out on Tuesday. I'll be busy getting ready for our trip, but I'll make sure to check in and let you know how it goes.

hee hee hee...Joe

See what's new! It's updated daily!
http://www.palinaspresident.us/

• Joe the Chair
• Joe the Lightbulb
• Joe Sixpack
• Joe the little man on a horse
• Joe the mauve sofa
• A note from Lorne Michaels
• Is that a dinosaur walking by the window?
• Just like the movie National Treasure (politics for dummies)
• And hello, there, Neiman Marcus & Saks!

In other words, yes, I am still amused by this...I have to do something while I'm waiting for SNL to come on...thanks, Alexandra.

To Send or Not to Send

I need help. A man that used to work with me sends me political emails all of the time. Some are funny, and some are insulting. I usually just roll with the punches. He doesn't work with me anymore, and we really weren't great friends or anything. So, he sends another this morning. It's titled This is why some people shouldn't be allowed to vote!. Then it says to send it to everyone I know! It turns out that it's a Howard Stern skit. They went on the street and asked some man who he was voting for. He says Obama. They then start to say things like so, you feel like the troops should stay in Iraq. The man responds yes. Basically, they state McCain's positions and policies, but the guy is going to vote for Obama. Ok, whatever. It's just a Howard Stern skit. It just hit me wrong, though. "Send it to everyone you know!" "This is why some people shouldn't be allowed to vote!" This kept repeating in my head. So, I typed up a message.

Dear Mr. Preppypants,

I have a question for you. Why? So that a group of people can get together and create a test for others to take to determine whether or not they are smart enough to vote? That sounds all too familiar to me, Mr. Preppypants. Do you realize it wasn't all that long ago that I wouldn't have been allowed to vote because of my gender? Do you realize if there was a test that your "group" would probably be the ones affected? As I enjoy my cup of coffee on this Sunday morning and know that it's my right to go to church or not go to church, or perhaps be able to talk freely to my partner (yes, my partner because I live with him and am not married) about my political views, well...that's America, and I love it. I don't want to move backwards.

Sincerely,
Alexandra Bitchford


So, it's sitting in my draft box. Do I send it or let it go?

Update
I could also send this.

Dear Mr. Preppypants,
Stop listening to the Howard Stern Show and start listening to Meet the Press. Colin Powell just endorsed Barack Obama.

I have Officially...

fucking seen it all now. Man names baby girl...

Pole Time!

Ok. Well, not that kind of pole, but I had to get your attention.

PBS Poll

We All Need Some Laughter

These cartoons come from a site called Superpoop. You've seen The Bitches post Natalie Dee cartoons, and this is Natalie's husband, Drew. These are too fucking funny not to share. Enjoy!

Palin Clears Herself

Seriously?

Here it is.

Next in The Eastwickean News, Alexandra Bitchford beats the shit out of annoying woman with funky glasses. She then goes on to clear herself with her own report. So, that makes it true. Duh!

Much Ado About Nothin'

Since I'm goin' to be talkin' about Sarah Palin, I've decided to drop all of my g's. Seriously, I can't do that. It's as annoying in writing as it is on television. I haven't blogged about the VP debate because there isn't much to say. Joe Biden plugged his candidate and did a good job. He was concise and hit the major issues. Sarah Palin didn't answer one fucking question. Not one! We all kept screaming for her to just take off her shirt and show her tits. At least that would have been more of a show. How can people say she did well? Oh, she didn't completely bomb. She had some well rehearsed answers, but she said nothing. I find it annoying and condescending of her to think that I'm as simple as she speaks. I'm not that fucking simple of a person, and I don't think most Americans are. It costs a shit ton of money to fill my gas tank, lady, and calling me Joe motherfuckin' six-pack isn't helping me any. It doesn't make you like me. You're nothing like me. I'm articulate, well-read, and I can rock fucking higher stiletto heels than you can. It just pisses me off that some Americans keep saying, "Oh, she's just like me." That's crazy! Are you a fucking shallow, rehearsed parrot?

Ultimately, it comes down to Obama and McCain. It looks like it's going to get ugly here at the end, and I think Obama will come out on top. He has a clear plan for the economic crisis and the health care crisis. Yes we can!

I knew she couldn't pass it up...

It was almost too easy...

Blogging the Debate

John McCain's first answer of the night began with thanking everyone.

Then, he says he hasn't "been feeling too great lately."

Did anyone else think maybe he was about to admit to be knocking on death's door??

Me? I was really expecting the next thing out of his mouth to be a litany of old man ailments ala my crazy grandma: "Oh, my colon's been acting up. You wouldn't believe the shit that comes out of me sometimes! And I just can't control it. And my aching back. You have no idea the pain I feel! No idea. And I've also got these heart palpitations. My heart just gets all aflutter and I feel like I'm dying."

Then, he even made a joke about his own age to top it off: "and I've been around a long time."

Yes, John, you have. You are old. We can see that.

Why Camp McCain Keeps Sarah Away from the Press

Wow. My fave part of this interview?

COURIC: Why isn’t it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries? … Instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

PALIN: Ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up the economy– Oh, it’s got to be about job creation too. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions.

SUKIE: Oh! And world peace, that's good, too. Dumb fucking bitch.