No Happy Easter in Eastwick

A tornado ripped through Eastwick on Friday night. Ahhh! It was pretty fucking scary. We have a basement to hide in, so we were very lucky. There were power poles that snapped right in two in our neighborhood. We didn't get our power back until about an hour ago. A shower has never felt so good! In some ways, it was kind of nice. We had beautiful weather (after the tornado), and all of the neighbors gathered around and talked. We fired up our grills and made sure everyone had something hot to eat. All in all, it wasn't that bad. Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, the power came back on. Now, we get to head to the store and replace all of the fucking food that we lost. Shit!

Hell has Frozen Over

Ok, ya'll. It is officially April, and we are expecting snow tonight. I don't think it will accumulate, but damn! Al Gore, I would like to know what the fuck is up with this weather. Are the poor polar bears migrating to Eastwick?

On an unrelated note, my mother called the other day. She had just come back from a wedding and had wonderful details to share. I think she works with the bride and groom. Anyway, there were four-wheelers, rebel flags, and the bride danced to "I'm a Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson. Oh, and the groom was missing a front tooth. Nope. I'm not making this up.

Now, my mom would like everyone to believe that she was nervously fingering her pearls, but I know better. I bet she was popping wheelies on that four-wheeler with her Ann Taylor suit riding up around her waist. When in Eastwick...;-)

One last thing...if a man comes to your house and tries to sell you some frozen steak, just say no. Check this article out. Seriously, who in the hell buys frozen meat out of the back of a pick-up truck...FROM A STRANGER??? Crazy!

Spring in Eastwick

The Morning After

We ended up with about 3 inches of beautiful, white snow. Sukie almost lost her car due to a dead tree, but she got lucky. Everyone seemed to keep their power and not have any damage. The dogs just went bat shit crazy. One acts like a snow plow, and the other one is too small and hairless to enjoy it on her own. She hid in my jacket, while the snow fell on her tongue. Weirdo. What a great morning. Here are some pictures from this a.m.

My magnolia tree

Small vineyard in the back

Snow in Eastwick!

You know that saying that people in hell want ice water, but they don't get it? Guess what? They do today! It's snowing in Eastwick! Mr. Bitchford thinks I'm funny because he grew up where it snows a lot. I can't help it. When you never get to see any, it's just so pretty. Here are a few pics. We are due to get anywhere from 3 to 5 inches, which is a huge deal to us. Plus, everything shuts down around here because no one knows how to drive in it. Woo hoo!

Update

This just makes me feel like a kid again. We could get up to 5 inches, which is a lot for us. The dogs and I have been running around the neighborhood with all of the kids. I've opened all of the windows in the house, so I don't miss it. My b-day is Wednesday, and it's like an early birthday present.

Weird Weather

Eastwick is having the weirdest weather. It was 70 and sunny today. Shouldn't it be cold? It's December! I was able to take advantage of my new storm windows, though. So, it's snowing in Vegas, but it's 7o in Eastwick. Can I give a shout out to Al Gore? Seriously, the weather is completely fucked up. On top of everything else, it's fucking with my health. My allergies do not like the constant temperature changes. Maybe I should move to Arizona. Isn't that where people with bad allergies go? I hate the heat, though. Maybe I should move to Savannah, GA and just stay drunk all of the time. Did you know you can carry open containers around Savannah? Well, you can. I digress. This weird weather has really made me reevaluate where Mr. Bitchford and I might move to within the next two years. I doubt we'll stick around Eastwick forever, but I am a southern girl at heart. I love being close to the mountains and the beach; however, if it keeps snowing in Vegas and being unseasonably warm in Eastwick, then who knows where we'll end up. Any suggestions?

Perhaps Sukie and I will end up Oz

Eastwick has tornadoes flying all around. The major universities in our area are having all students take cover. All public schools are letting out, which is odd because wouldn't you want your child to take cover and not be waiting on you outside? I digress. I have no clue where Mr. Bitchford is. He'll probably call and say, "What weather?" I'm sitting in the basement on my laptop. The doggies are all freaked out, and the cat just wants to smell them. At least the sirens aren't still going off. I'll be back for an update!

Update 3:50 p.m.
Freaking the fuck out! On the phone with Sukie! Damn it. One of my gutters is loose. Piece of shit house! Still don't know where Mr. Bitchford is. :(

Update 4:00 p.m.
Lots of thunder. My trash can just blew by, but I saw it stop at a tree. Dogs are barking at the rain. Stupid dogs.

Update 4:04 p.m.
Very still outside. Rain has stopped. Not a good sign. Why do I always have to take a shit when I can't get a toilet? Damn it! I guess the storm has scared the shit out of me, literally.

Update 4:09 p.m.
Mr. Bitchford is home! He's pissed at all the crazy fuckers on the road. He's scowling at me. I'm logging off now. I'll be back.

Update 4:14 p.m.
The radio weatherman says we are experiencing a hook echo. Mr. Bitchford said that he saw two small funnel clouds on his way home. Craziness! I'm gonna go call Sukie.

Update 4:30 p.m.
A zebra has been reported in the road...and a camel. The fence flew away at a local petting zoo. All animals are fine. It's like fucking Noah's Ark up in here. It looks like the worst is over.

Last Update 4:53 pm.
Looks like all is clear, but there is a hell of a mess. Everyone is safe and accounted for!