I'm so Christian, I named my kid after it!

I know that it's probably wrong that when I saw this on our class reunion site it made me laugh out loud, but it did (just add that to the list of reasons I'm going to hell).

"Well, lets see. First of all, I am a christian. I love the Lord with all my heart. I have been married to my husband Chris since july 2000. Then in June, 2003 God blessed Chris and I with a son. His name is Christian. He attends XXX Christian School. I am a house wife, which I love. It ables me to be fully involved with works for God and to be able to do for my family."

Come on...christian, chris, christian, chris, christian...me thinks she doth praise too much!

Oh--did I mention her name is "Angel." Self-fulfilling prophecy maybe?

Does Lighting Strike Twice? Let's Hope Not...

because it struck the house the other night. The back part of the house went completely dark. The phones were blown out. The T.V.s were blown out. And, as we found out this morning when we went to do laundry, the washing machine was struck. WTF? I don't want to claim anything on my homeowner's insurance because they are dirty, stinkin' fuck holes that will cancel my insurance. I've seen it happen to several friends, so we're going to try and fix what we can and move on. Mr. Bitchford is very handy around the house, and he has already repaired the back part of the house. The phones were a loss, so we just bought a new phone and answering machine. Somehow, and I'm not sure how, he figured out how to fix the televisions. He was stumped with the washing machine. It probably can't be fixed, which sucks because it was one of those super cool ones that didn't use a lot of water. It just makes you feel like shit when stuff like this happens. We both work so hard for the things we have, and we try to save our money for things like this. It just feels like when it rains it pours. I know I should stop whining. At least the damn house didn't burn down! On a happier note, my tulips are blooming. :)

Slow News Day in Eastwick

My morning ritual consists of a baked potato, a Diet Coke, and the Eastwick news. I know that is very weird, but it's my thing. Don't judge, please. There are usually a ton of articles about break-ins, copper thefts, drug deals, shootings, etc. There was one particular article that caught my eye, though. Apparently, two 80 year old friends had been giving each other perms. One octogenarian got pissed at the other one over her results. Maybe her curl was too tight? So, she decides to find the closest weapon. Are you ready for this? A can of snuff! She whops the other woman in the teeth with it. Moral of the story: Don't give your friend a jacked up perm.

Too much of a good thing

The Big Man in Charge (aka Mr. CEO) decided we have too many committees.

He formed the Committee on Committees to study committees within the company culture and to determine what is to be done about all these commitees.

Seriously. I couldn't make that up.

New Kicks!

Check out my new kicks! Do you think The Cougar would accept that I bought these in honor of her wedding rather than giving money to Big New Church? If you are completely lost, please read the entry below.

Friendships, The Meaning of Life, and Other Random Shit

I got home from a long day at work, and there was a wedding invitation in my mail. A friend of mine is getting married in April. First, let me give you some background. I'll call this friend The Cougar. She's about 25 years older than me, but one of those women who is still in better shape and hotter than women in their 30's. Picture a timeless beauty...like Sophia Loren. We met through a mutual friend and hit it off. We would meet after work most nights for drinks and girl talk. We were both going through nasty divorces and needed a friend who could relate. After our divorces, she met someone. He is about 15 years older than her, and if the truth be known, she was seeing him while she was married. Anyway, four years later, and they are getting married. You must understand that I don't really believe in degrees of friendship. I think that we have different people in our lives for different reasons. They serve different purposes. Some of them remain with you a lifetime and some are fleeting. I would say that The Cougar was rather fleeting, but we shared a lot of personal information with each other, so I imagine that is why we have tried to stay in touch. Soooo, I got the invitation and now I have a dilemma. The card contained a smaller card that read as follows: "In lieu of gifts, please make donations to Big New Church." Yes, this is the same church that Sukie and I talk about. I knew that The Cougar attended this church, but she isn't exactly "churchy" kind of people, so I thought she went more for show...she might. I'm not going to donate to Big New Church, but then I realized that people from Big New Church would be there. Ahhhh! I know I should go to the wedding, but now I just don't want to go. We don't talk much anymore, and we really have nothing in common anymore. But, I also don't want to end things on an awkward or bad note. I feel like I'm in high school again and trying to break up with a boy. What is a bitch to do?

Broke the Doctor's Orders

A 3rd-grade teacher disciplined a student in her class.

Next thing she knows, nine of her students have hatched a plot to attack her.

Their plot included handcuffs, a steak knife, a paper weight, tape, etc.

Here's what I want to know: what kind of fucked up world do we live in when children are so unaccustomed to discipline that they respond to it with intricate plans to commit violent acts?

(Yeah, despite my doctor's orders, I watched the news again. Damn it.)