Damn, Girl! That's a shirt!

I know this is an older picture, but it had to be said. Damn, Britney! That's a shirt!

The Things You Read

I frequent a news forum, and I really enjoy it. Most of the time I can find good conversation and a few laughs. I thought I would share some of my favorites. One time, a woman was just on fire about a political subject. She typed, "That's my onion, and I'm sticking to it!" She meant opinion. Cracked my shit up!

Another time, a person was trying to describe what most of us would call a goody two shoes, but he/she didn't really know how to put it into words. The person typed, "Well, at least I'm not a goody goody tissues!" Ha!

Finally, I snorted out loud one day from my cube when I read the following. "Does anyone have some chester drawers for sale?" Chester drawers? Chester drawers? Oh! You mean a chest of drawers. Hee hee!

Got this e-mail last night...

And I figured I'd share it because of how true it rings...

(Note: I am aware that, contrary to public opinion, this is a complete fiction circulated via e-mail: Bill Gates did not say these things. What follows is actually an excerpt from the book Dumbing Down our Kids by educator Charles Sykes. It is a list of eleven things you did not learn in school and is directed at high school and college grads.)

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Sukie and Alex Ride the Bus Part 3

Did you know Gregg Allman lives in Eastwick? He drove by me and Sukie this morning while we were at our bus stop. He said, "Do either one of you ladies have a cigarette?" We said, "No." As you know, I have an affinity for the smokey aroma. I should have offered to run inside the store and purchase him a pack. Damn!

We also witnessed a domestic dispute of sorts. It involved a woman shoving a man...twice. Then they went into the store to buy a loaf of bread. I would tell you more about the man who was drunk and high and singing vulgar rap lyrics...loudly, but I'm scared Sukie might see red and threaten to sear his eyes with her mace. Not only am I saving gas and the environment, but I'm being provided with decent blog material. This is a pretty good deal.

Oh, The Mammaries

This is a photo of Maxi Mounds. Nope. I'm not kidding.

She's in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the biggest tits. Yep. Those babies are a size M. What the fuck is wrong with people today?

History in the Making

Tonight, Barack Obama becomes the first African-American major party presidential candidate in the nation's history.

Now, we just have to wait for him to make it to the White House.

The Shrub in the South

George W. gave the commencement speech last night at Furman University located in Greenville, S.C. As you can imagine, it was a college divided. It was reported that around 30 faculty members chose to not attend because of W. It was also reported that 14 faculty members that did attend chose to have a silent protest by removing their robes and revealing t-shirts that said, "We object." My question is why would Furman want one of history's most unpopular presidents to speak at graduation? Regardless of your politics, you must admit that he is a horrible public speaker. If I had been a faculty member at Furman, I totally would have gone so I could pass snarky notes to Sukie and snort at my own hilarious self. ;) Some graduates, not sure on the number, chose not to march because he was speaking. BTW, his speech was about personal and fiscal responsibility. Ha! I really thought the media was fucking kidding, but no. I really hate that Eastwick is the cesspool of politics. At least we have great weather and a good farmer's market. :)