The Driver on Crack

You guys know who I'm talking about. You know the person who hits her brakes when she sees a green light? How 'bout the person who hits the gas when she sees brake lights? What about the person who stops in two lanes of traffic because she can't see where to turn in, and she declares, "They will see me and stop." THIS...is my mother. OMG! She's driving us home from the beach and honestly I don't know if we will make it. I think we have a 50/50 shot of not ramming into someone or something. I attempted to talk to her about it this morning. It started like this, "Mom, you can't drive. You scare the shit out of me." She replies, "Shut the hell up. No one is gettin' my keys. Period." I reply, "Well, I will have to take an anxiety pill to ride with you. If this launches me into a life of drugs, then you are to blame." She replies, "That's your problem. I'm driving!" Oh shit.