Thanksgiving in Eastwick

Mr. Bitchford and I hosted Thanksgiving this year. It was a small crowd that consisted of us, my parents, and Sukie. Everyone brought something, so we didn't have to cook everything. I don't like turkey, so we had a nice pork tenderloin. We did partake of the Thanksgiving-tinis and the Firefly Vodka. Both were very good.

My mother, once again, giggled and spouted out obscenities. Last year, we were at a friend's house, and she kept telling a story that involved the word "cunt." This year, she kept telling a story that involved the word "pussy." This is all very funny because my mother is not the type of woman who screams these types of words at the dinner table, much less the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Sukie had brought me a hostess gift. She brought conversation starter cards. Each card had a question, and everyone would answer the question. One question involved telling a family story that only you could tell. My dad took it upon himself to share a story about his grandfather (my great-grandfather). He said that great-grandpa Bitchford used to tell him that if the preacher came over, then make sure he stayed on great-grandma's lap until he could get back. Get it? ;) Then my mother told the story (involving the same great-grandpa) about how great-grandpa used to say that he didn't know why women didn't rule the world. We controlled the two most important things in the world (money and pussy). We had 75% of the money and 100% of the pussy. He would follow this up by stating that you couldn't wear a pussy out, and then he would ask if anyone had ever seen a pussy on a trash pile.

While I don't think the conversation starter questions had this type of exchange in mind, it was entertaining. The evening ended with everyone taking a nap and being stuffed. Overall, it was an excellent Eastwickean Thanksgiving.