I need your help. Let's say that you just connected with an old friend through Facebook. The friend constantly talks about drinking too much red wine and passing out or just being hungover. The friend's profile photos always make her look like she's drunk and is not really eating much. What do you say?
"Hi. Are you drunk in that photo?"
"I'm really worried about you. You look thin and a tad too relaxed in that photo."
Seriously, what do you say someone? Do you just leave them alone?
Saturday, January 24, 2009
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7 comments:
Okay, I actually have highschool "friends" on myspace who do nothing but drink and smoke weed all day. My niece (19, and mother of a 1 year old) is one of them.
You let it go.
When my 19 year old niece, who was actually 16 at the time that I first found her on Myspace, was talking about getting crunk at parties, smoking weed with friends, going out partying, I said something and her mom was pissed that I would dare say anything. Then i pointed out that she had pictures of her in her underwear and her mom made her remove them. but the smoking and drinking, all fine.
But let's examine the kids my age. "I have a baby too because things happen when you're drunk and naked." "We were all stoned in this picture."
I ignore it.
Then, "The baby's daddy wont give me money to buy formula so my baby is just drinking water right now because my WIC checks ran out."
It's painful to watch. I cant say anything, but I cant look away. It's a tough call. These are adults, let them fuck themselves up. You'll just create enemies.
I think I know the friend. I have always been under the impression she has been in a bad place for a long time. As long as you've known her. She decided long ago to just live it. I don't know why. Maybe don't bring it up as such, but be there for her if she ever wants to make a break.
"Do you have any family pics? I'd love to see some of those."
People are going to do what they want. A lot of people think it's cool to go out and drink every chance they get. Many people I went to school with have their drinking/party pics all over Facebook and Myspace as if that's all they ever do. And it may be. Generation Buzz?
I don't know....if you're really a friend, maybe send her a message? not a wall-to-wall, or comment, but a message? idk, it can be hard to decide. She might get mad, or she might be glad someone cares enough to say something.
Knowing the person you're referring to....I agree with Flax. This friend has chosen to be in this situation for a long time now, and when we tried to help her in the past (remember that?) she put up a wall and shut us out. I think the same thing would happen again.
I know it's hard not to try to help her, but it will only work if she lets you help her. Just make it clear that you will be there for her when she needs it....and I will do the same. Otherwise, I'm afraid there's not much else we can do. It bothers me, too, but like Jessie said, you learn to let it go.
I'd call it like it is.... If she can't handle the truth, she shouldn't put it out there for the world to see.
Plus, if you can't trust your friends to tell you when you look like an asshole, who can you trust?
I sent her the following message, and it was a private one.
"Are you ok? You know you can talk to me. No judgements. I promise. You just seem like you have something on your mind. If you don't, then sorry for the message.:) If you do and don't want to say anything, just know that I love you and am here for you."
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