Fucking Airplanes!

I've been on a looooong business trip, and I'm glad to be home. I hate flying. To make things worse, there were about 10 of us. I also don't like being obligated to make small talk with people I work with. I had to sit beside my boss on the flight back, and there was an 11 year old boy on the other side of me. He was all by himself, which made me kind of sad for him. Then, he opened his mouth. I see why this kid was traveling alone.

Kid: "So, are you and him like best friends forever?" (motioning to my boss)
Me: "Sure."
Kid: "Do you like my dog? I named him Tender Heart."
Me: "Hmmm. Interesting name. Do people laugh when you tell them that? Just curious."
Kid: "Yes. How did you know that?"
Me: "I'm really tired, and I'm going to sleep now."

Kid: "Hey! Do you ever wonder where clouds come from?"
Me: "No. I'm asleep."
Kid: "Hey! I bet I could get us a free pack of M&M's candy."
Me: Silence. Eyes closed.
Kid" "I have to pee. My ears hurt."
Me: Silence. Eyes closed.
Kid: "Did you hear me? My ears hurt. Do something about it."
Me: "Ok. If I slap you really hard, it will make your ears stop popping."
My Boss: "Thank God. Go ahead and slap that child."

Again, I hate flying!