Thoughts of an Eastwick Juror

Yeah, I got called…and I got picked. And then I was stuck in a cramped little jury room with 13 of Eastwick’s finest specimens of citizenship.

The only thing we have in common: this case we’re hearing.
The only thing we can’t talk about: this case we’re hearing.

It was, in a word, dreadful.

We were crammed up in that room together for 2 hours yesterday, crossing our fingers for a settlement, when some of the jurors started “joshing” each other. This one fine Eastwickean pulled out a very popular Eastwickean phraseology as a retort: “Well, that’s mighty white of ya.” Yeah. Only slightly racist, right? Of course, there were no black jurors to be offended. In case you are unfamiliar with this saying, it basically equates being white with being good as opposed to being black, which would be bad. And certainly, if you’re receiving good treatment, it must be at the hands of a white man because black men would never treat you fairly or well. Thus, “it’s mighty white of you” to pick up my mail for me while I’m out of town. Sometimes, it’s used with a dose of sarcasm when you’re not being “mighty white,” as in if you stuck me with all the work on a project, and I said dripping with sarcasm, “That’s mighty white of you.”

Here are some other completely random thoughts on my experience with Eastwickean jury service:

1. Why in the world is Ms. America 1994 in charge of the video explaining to me my job as a juror???
2. All judges in the south really do talk exactly like those judges in the John Grisham movies. I mean, we are jer-ORs not jer-ers. ;-)
3.Lawyers talk too much. Way too much. I wonder if they know no one cares…
4.Southerners really like to talk. Dude, all you have to tell the judge is yes or no and whether or not it will affect your ability to be impartial…we do NOT need your entire life story during voire dire. Really, we don’t.
5.Just because he’s a judge, does not mean he’s articulate…or audible even.
6.Lawyers should be REQUIRED to take public speaking classes…seriously.
7. Do they keep it below freezing in the courtroom so you won’t even think about breaking the rules and wearing a tank top? I’m wearing a ski jacket next time…for real.
8.I hope I am never falsely accused of a crime…because if these are my peers, well, I’d rather take my chances getting to Mexico…on foot…with no money…
9.Do you know you don’t even have to prove you are who you say you are? No ID check, nothing…I could’ve sent a substitute. ;-)
10.Being stuck in a little room with bad airflow and fourteen (oops…now 13) strangers indefinitely while the lawyers and the judge fight about whether or not we get to see certain photos, etc. is really, really boring. Why can’t I have reading material again??
11.Even if they tell you to forget what was just said…you don’t…you heard it…
12.Lawyers are super sneaky…super sneaky. Sometimes, I just wanted to clap, and say, Wow…I can’t believe you snuck that in there…
13.It’s a little more like tv than I thought…even though the judge warned us it wouldn’t be…I mean, this…this is drama…whoa…
14.Why is the guy representing the state still called a Solicitor? I don't understand this one. Why no District Attorney...why no Prosecutor? Why are you soliciting me?? I want to wear a Tshirt that says, “No soliciting” just for fun.