Today I was driving to work and got behind a man with a big ole sticker across his back windshield that read, "God, Guns, and Guts Made America. Let's keep all 3!"
I had forgotten in my religious lapse all about the Book of Bubba Joe, which tells the story of Bubba Joe, who, after spitting out some chew, saw the face of God, and heard his voice emanating from the puddle: "Bubba Joe, set my people free!" And then God turned Bubba's cigar into a gun and told him, "Buck, up Bubba: Be a Man! Fight for your freedom from the unholy Brits, and I will smite them!" And then Bubba shot as many damn Britains as he could, spilling their bloody guts all across the soils of the land. And happy with Bubba's shooting and the sacrifice of the bloody guts of the Brits, God did smite all the rest of the Britains, and that is how America was made: God, Guns, and Guts.
You know, if my family had never moved South, I would probably still go to church at least once a week. I might even still pray. I might even be able to hear the name "Jesus" without rolling my eyes.
But they did, and I don't. Here's the thing: people in the South tend to shove religion down your throat until you are practically gagging on Jesus. All that damn witnessing and saving and the damn religious tracts (like the awful one about the dog who's going to be killed by the dog-catcher until Billy prays hard enough and the dog is saved) only made me more anti-religion. All that talk of "knowing Jesus," all that "Jesification," just made me stop going to church. It turned me off to Jesus. And it's sad, really; it's not Jesus' fault. It's his crazy followers.
(I particularly enjoy this religious tract about what happened to the dinosaurs.)
6 comments:
go to loljesus.com. Youll laugh.
I checked out the link to the "true" reason dinosaurs are now extinct. Unfortunately, many people think because something appears on the Internet, it must be the "truth". AAAGGHHH!
This is very interesting to me. I was completely turned off to 'religion' at the tender age of 12. Though, my reasons are very different than yours.
I try to be very respectful of others' beliefs.....but you can bet on me losing my cool when someone tries to jam that shite down my throat. We all have our own ways to cope.
I hear you. Jesus rocked. Evangelical fundamentalist southerners? Blech. Faith, spirituality, or belief only in earthly or natural things is so personal and individual, there really ought to be no churches. For the most part, it just screws up your journey. I recently made baby steps back to church services. I was lured by remarkably decent music, and found some remarkably decent people. Definitely not the hellfire Baptist damnation of my upbringing.
I'm with you, Sukie. I haven't been back to church since I was 13 years old. My youth pastor tried to make me buy a Love Waits ring. I remember thinking to myself, "I might like to have sex before I get married. It's probably worse to be a liar than to have sex before marriage." That was my pre-teen reasoning. The youth pastor didn't take too kindly to that. Luckily, I had kick ass parents who understood. They let me make my own decisions about church. So, spirituality? Got it! Evangelical fundamentalist southerner? Not me!
I knew there was an underlying reason I was so drawn to you and Alexandra...it's this common thread of NO JESUS DOWN MY THROAT thinking we share. Sheesh!
I even get it at work (makes note that I need to write about that soon)...*rolls eyes*
I love to quote bumpersticker philosophy (since much of it fits) and one of my favs is: The religious right is neither! LOL
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