Ah, Sukie, now...Part Deux

So…for Jessie’s benefit, here’s an elaboration (at least I hope I explain this in a way that makes some sense):

Our office, in an attempt to appear less bigoted (which is kind of a joke anyway, but whatever…), formed a committee designed to train the staff about issues related to diversity. The goal was to educate our fellow co-workers about different types of people and to promote tolerance at work. Well, in an attempt to reach this goal in our extremely conservative, Southern work environment, we (the committee) addressed all sorts of people and issues. I’m talking we did discussions and seminars on different races, religions, ethnicities, etc.

Wonderful, right? Sure. Until...(dum, da, dum, dum) the committee attempted to discuss the issue of homophobia. Note: We were very careful. Our information was strictly informative in nature: this is what homophobia is. We did not push any “agenda” on anyone. We did not attempt to persuade anyone that homosexuality is good, ok, or preferable (not that we happen to think it’s bad, but we know our audience well enough to stick to what we think we can actually accomplish. We know we are not going to convince these people that homosexuality is not a mortal sin, but we just want to try to get them not to hate people/discriminate against them based on sexual preference).

Anyway…so, the president of the company vetoed our session on homophobia…in part based on a PowerPoint presentation in which we defined the terms “heterosexism” and “homophobia.” Well, the committee reconvened to discuss the veto, and little Miss Frizzy Head looks at the PowerPoint slide with part of the definition of “heterosexism” on it, and says, “Actually, I, too, am offended by the fact that you think it’s wrong I assume that everyone is heterosexual. I mean, it's my assumption, you can't say it's wrong.”

And that is when I lost my cool. A) because that’s not what it said/ meant (never did anything we created say anything was "right" or "wrong" and B) because it is wrong.

And so I lunged across the table, and said, “That’s not what it says! That is not even the issue up for discussion.” (Because--remember--I cannot control myself anymore, apparently--i never intended to lunge or shout; it just happened)

And then she attempted to respond with some nonsense, and I didn’t even let her get it all out before shouting again, “It’s not OK. It’s not OK for you to assume I am a heterosexual. You don’t know me! You don’t know who or what I am! Maybe I have a girlfriend! Maybe I have a wife! By definition, if you assume I am a heterosexual, you are heterosexist. That’s the definition!”

And then, she said, “But it’s wrong…”

And then, according to Alex, I pushed an imaginary piece of paper across the table and sat back, and said “And that’s the problem with this place” and crossed my arms (According to Alex I do this in meetings all the time now...and thanks to her, I have just now realized that I have this habit of giving people imaginary pieces of secret paper).

I don’t know how to get my cool back…I at least used to be able to hold my tongue 'til later...but lately I just shout out whatever is in my head--like Tourette's, only not.

Yesterday, I couldn't stop myself either--in a different meeting, with a different committee, the committee leader kept insisting that Ms. Flaky was on our committee, and I was all, "She's not. She hasn't been to a meeting in forever." To which she responded, "She came to one." Could I stop there? No. So then, I say, "Yeah, once in two years. Great." Seriously. I can't shut myself up. Not even a little. And now that I think back on it, I'm pretty sure I pushed that imaginary piece of paper across the table then, too.

What am I going to do?