Friday, November 2, 2007
The Sukie and Alex Experiment
We have several giant McChurches in Eastwick. I'll just get straight to the point. These places freak me out. I grew up in a Baptist church. It was fairly basic. You came to service on Sunday morning, you brought your covered dish for lunch, and then you ate lunch with all of your friends. The youth group would do some community service, and then we would go on our annual trip together. These new churches don't seem to operate like that. I've been doing a little research on our biggest one. I emailed the membership committee. YES, I said membership committee. You have to take a class, pass the test, and then review the membership contract before becoming a member. I'm not sure if it costs anything or not. I forgot to ask. This place also has TWO ATM machines in the lobby (which looks more like a civic center). Apparently the preacher/pastor does some crazy shit. He has been known to fly through the air in a harness and wear t-shirts that say things like, "God is watching you download that porn!" I dove a little deeper into my research and decided I needed to meet this man. I called, and I was told that NO ONE sees him. The robot lady offered to set up an appointment with one of the assistant pastors. I then asked why I could not see him. She told me that he didn't have time to speak to just everyone. I guess I'm not one of God's worthy children. Before anyone gets offended, remember that I am talking about this one church in particular. Yes, all of the McChurches make me weary, but I am only bashing the one I have some experience with. And, yes, I'm going to attend service to see for myself. So, this brings me back to our experiment. Sukie and I are going to church! We're even thinking of running down front, waving our arms, and begging to be saved. I've been told that this happens every Sunday. I'm curious about where they take you. I bet I'll have to hand over a credit card first. Hmmm. Expect an update within the next few weeks.
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11 comments:
Ooh--this sounds interesting. I can't wait to hear the results of your little "experiment." Be careful--don't let them brainwash you. They're good at that.
I am waiting on pins and needles. I daresay you will need more than a casserole to pass muster. I wonder if you need to a special ID or permission to even get in in the first place?
No doubt you will need more than a casserole to pass muster.
Do you think a young, pubescent boy will do the trick? I'm thinking that might make a good sacrifice.
Pfft...nobody DOWNLOADS porn anymore. Hello! Pornotube.com people.
Anyway, I would love to come with you to church but Im afraid that when I walk into one my skin starts to bubble a little bit. Also Im poor, so I cant afford to go. Cant afford to be giving my money to a dead guy, who has supernatural powers to make like 500 monies, what does he need me for?
I SO want to see where this goes. Did you actually get accepted into the program or whatever?
MMMmmm-kay. Now you know that I am always myself and this time is no different.
I WANNA GO!!! lmao
Churches creep me out these days anyway but those big-assed McChurches??? YIKES! But at the risk of being turned to stone when I entered the McDoors of the McChurch, I would so go with you guys. Hell, I'd be the one jumping up, speaking in "tongues" and running down the isle stripping my clothes off, yelling for a healing and to have my soul saved. LMAO
Now that I think of it, I'd just embarrass you two...I better stay at home and sleep late instead. :)
Guys, stop making everything McSomething!
Oh, you need to watch the movie "Saved," pay attention to the part where the girl is speaking in tongues saying she's possessed (the token goth girl, by the way) and it turns out that she was really just saying "I have a tight pussy" or something. Practice it.
I've seent hat movie--at least twice. Once, Alex and I watched it in a convent.
Sorry, your new format is making me post in triplicate . . . or maybe I just repeat myself?
Don't let them brainwash you or I will be forced to have an intervention. Those type of people are crazy and they have been trained to perform brainwashing.
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